


The Homecoming Saga

by Skinner (psiten)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2009-11-27
Updated: 2011-03-04
Packaged: 2017-10-03 20:53:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psiten/pseuds/Skinner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all began with an impromptu meeting and a pre-breakfast kiss. Now, Konoha and Tsunade have a problem on their hands: get the AWOL Naruto back into training and away from Akatsuki's line of sight without alienating his temperamental boyfriend.</p>
<blockquote>
<br/><p><i>"Naruto. Is this what I think it is?"</i><br/></p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
  <p>
    <br/>
    <i>It was a Konoha headband -- that much was obvious. The metal looked clean, though there was something dull about it, as if it hadn't seen the washing of wind and time and blood. A mark across the leaf that should have sent any Konoha shinobi to the quartermaster for a new headband was the only scratch, too -- none of the traces of a shinobi's career anywhere. Whatever it was, Sasuke recognized it, and he wasn't amused.</i>
    <br/>
  </p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
  <p>
    <br/>
    <i>He thrust the blue headband forward so the blond barely had to turn to see it. "Is what-- Eh? It's your forehead protector. What else would it be?"</i>
    <br/>
  </p>
</blockquote>
<blockquote>
  <p><br/><i>Karin didn't even have time to finish thinking, "</i>...Oh<i>" before Sasuke had Blondie pinned against the table.</i><br/></p>
</blockquote>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Kizuna"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sumeria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sumeria/gifts).



     Sasuke blinked a couple times, his eyes adjusting to the dark cave where he'd been lying on his back. For quite awhile now, to judge from the crick in his back, or the dull ache radiating through his skull from the point where his head touched the cold stone ground. That was the _last_ time he used Mumyaku Mukyuu Musei no Jutsu - the No Pulse, No Breath, No Life Technique - to fake out an opponent after a battle. Kabuto could apparently snap right out of it, no problem, but _Kabuto_ could sleep two hours a night and spend the early morning teaching birds to sing in a barbershop quartet. Successfully. The guy was a _freak_, and in Sound that was saying something.  
     _'Stealth' my ass_... Sasuke thought. _Next time, everybody dies. Watch 'em talk about seeing me then_. But oh, _no_... he had to get in and out without making a _scene_... Fuck _that_. At this point, he'd been out but semi-conscious long enough that this was uncomfortably like waking up. He _hated_ waking up. Especially when there wasn't any breakfast. It always took him five minutes to remember where he was, even when he woke up in his own bed, let alone after sleeping in his clothes without a proper shower on a fucking stone floor.  
     Not that he'd been asleep. Not really. But getting his blood moving again was a hell of a lot _like_ waking up, and that made this idiotic technique useless in battle from here on out.  
     He couldn't sense any more enemy chakra. The coast seemed clear enough. And if it wasn't, at least _Sakura_ knew not to talk that loud even if Naruto didn't... the familiar voices echoed through the caves, little more than background noise. He couldn't really focus on the words.  
     Inability to focus - Yet another reason why he hated mornings.  
     Not that this was one.  
     But he'd be damned if he didn't want a shower and some breakfast to get his blood sugar up.  
     "But Sakura-chan!! We should carry him back to the village while, you know, he's here and we're here, and we still _can_, you know? We need to get him back, ASAP!! Come on..."  
     _Why am I in this cave again?_ Sasuke thought, waiting for the foggy pain to recede from his head. _Perfect the consciousness transfer technique?_ He vaguely remembered Orochimaru's voice hissing some crap like that. Well, fuck _that_ too. Leaving Konoha to train with 'real ninja' had apparently been less effective than he'd thought it would be when he was twelve. If he'd known Orochimaru had left the goddamn Akatsuki _because_ Itachi could beat him up, he probably wouldn't have gone in the first place. Besides which, Naruto had continued to level up at his ridiculous pace while playing around in Konoha - and he'd gotten fucking _hot_, too. It just wasn't fair.  
     "Naruto, you know we can't risk carrying him off against his will. He's always a little out of it before he gets something to eat, and we don't want him to attack first thing. We'll wait here and talk to him when he wakes up completely."  
     Sasuke groaned and started pushing up on his elbows, muttering, "I'm not fucking _asleep_, you idiots." There was a lake somewhere around here, or a waterfall or something. He could hear it. And it sounded sufficient to clean off the cold sweat and the cave dirt.  
     "Sasuke!!" A flying tackle from six different directions knocked him back flat, and five of the Narutos exploded in a puff of smoke as they collided, leaving just the one clinging to his neck. Typical. "Let's go home, 'kay? We'll all go home together, and everything will be fine, right?!"  
     "God, you're loud." He opened one eye and sighed at the foolish grin on his friend's face. "And _heavy_. Get the fuck off me." As Naruto sat back, he pushed to a sitting position and shook his head before standing up all the way. "I'm not going anywhere til I get a goddamn shower." He started shedding his clothes as he walked toward the waterfall.  
     Sakura squealed for a second and faced the other direction with her hands over her eyes. "_Sasuke_! I'm _right_ here. I can see you, you know..."  
     "Are you or are you not a medi-nin? This can't possibly be the first time you've seen a man naked."  
     Naruto, on the other hand, jumped in the waterfall with him with all his clothes still on, showing no sign of caring that he was getting soaked. "But you'll come back, right? Right?! You've got to. And I'll introduce you to Tsunade-baachan, and you'll be good once she says you're cool -- she's the Fifth Hokage, you see..."  
     "I do actually know that. We met, remember?"  
     "...and we'll throw you a huge welcome back party, and everyone will come..."  
     "I doubt it," Sasuke muttered.  
     "And I'll _make_ Ichiraku bring ramen for everyone, not that _tsukemen_ crap..."  
     "Tsch. I like tsukemen better, though." Didn't matter. Naruto wasn't listening.  
     "...real ramen with the noodles and the broth all in the same bowl, and it'll be _awesome_..."  
     "Naruto." He cut off the blonde decisively enough that the idiot actually stopped talking. Now Naruto was silently looking at him with his ordinary clueless expression. "I can't just _go back_. I walked out on the village, walked out on _you_... sold my body to that creep Orochimaru for power he couldn't even give me." Shaking his head in the stream of water, he kneaded the sore spot on his back. "All I _got_ was that stupid bow on my ass."  
     "And you can summon snakes."  
     With a sigh he replied, "You know, I think I'd rather be able to summon dogs." Nostalgia sucked.  
     "Kakashi-sensei can teach you! So you've got to come back!"  
     Sasuke scoffed and looked at Naruto in disbelief. How dense could you be? "Remember the _last_ time Kakashi-sensei taught me a high-level personal technique? _I used it to shove my fucking fist through your chest_. He's not going to teach me _shit_ now. Give it up, Naruto -- I can't go back."  
     "But see!" Naruto replied, pulling back his jacket and shirt collar. "There's not even a scar. No harm, no foul, right?"  
     The combination of pseudo-waking-up crankiness, three years of frustration, and atrophied defenses to Naruto _pissing him off_ translated into slamming his friend up against the cave wall very fast and very hard.  
     "Sasuke!" Sakura's voice called out from somewhere in the cave. "Naruto! Will you two cut it out?"  
     But all his attention was fixed on two blue eyes that even after all these years wouldn't let him go. "That supposed to make me _feel_ better or something? I tried to _kill_ you, but it's all right because I _couldn't_? What the _fuck_ are you on?!" Unfortunately, the sound of his stomach growling lessened the impact.  
     Instead of looking scared or even defensive, Naruto just grinned. Sasuke sighed and dropped his head. Stupid stomach. And when he looked back up, the sight of Naruto biting his lip nearly derailed his train of thought.  
     Stupid _hormones_.  
     "Hey, Sasuke. You can still make a fireball even if you're hungry, right?"  
     "Don't ask stupid questions," he muttered. "Of course I can. You want me to fry off that ugly growth on the end of your neck?"  
     "My what-where?"  
     "Your _head_, moron." Sometimes trying to insult Naruto was more trouble than it was worth.  
     There he was, that dead-last idiot... still grinning, shaking his head. "Nah, I just thought... if we could get a fire going, there's plenty of water..." Reaching into a large pocket on the side of his leg, the Konoha ninja pulled out a water-tight package. "And I've got _rice and miso_..."  
     Sasuke blinked.  
     Rice and miso?  
     On a mission?  
     When field rations were three times as compact and five times as much food?  
     Somewhere on the edge of his perception, he could hear a female voice demanding to know, "_Oh, my god_! What are you _doing_?" followed by a choked squeal of surprise.  
     Sasuke had just barely noticed himself when it happened, but it was obvious in short order. He'd never wanted to kiss Naruto more in his life... though to be fair, pretty much every other time he'd wanted to kiss Naruto he'd been much more awake, or in another country, or both. He broke off just long enough to say, "I _love_ you," then continued - rather forcefully - since, even if he'd just woken up, he sure as hell would have noticed Naruto trying to stop him. Probably he should have been surprised that Naruto was kissing him back, but why waste the opportunity?  
     He wanted to ask, _Why the hell do you have rice and miso?_ It wasn't like the mission was about finding him and getting him back to Konoha by any means necessary... even breakfast... but the combination of the fact that he was very hungry and Naruto was clearly offering to share overrode his good sense. Besides, if their situations were reversed and _he_ were the one trying to bring Naruto back to Konoha, he'd sure as hell have Cup Ramen on him anywhere he went, just in case. So, he knew why, and it was _idiotic_, but it was also rice and miso for breakfast.  
     Of course, since gathering firewood and cooking was going to take some time anyway, there was nothing to lose 'thanking' Naruto a little longer. For old time's sake, though technically they hadn't had that kind of old times. He chuckled at his friend's encouragment, asking, "So is there a scroll in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"  
     "Umm..." Naruto said, retreating a bit and blinking in confusion. "... yes?" But once he'd started 'appreciating' Naruto's offer, he wasn't ready to stop so fast. After all the craziness and all the horror and all the loneliness, that kiss just made sense... and as long as his old friend was into it...  
     Really, what teenage boy was responsible for the position of his hands in this sort of situation?  
     "Oi, oi!" Naruto cried out, pulling Sasuke's hand away from his rear. "That's a little--"  
     Then the cave rumbled. They both went still and silent, wary of the rocks stirring loose from the tremors running through the ground and falling all around them. _Earthquake?_ Sasuke wondered. _No one saw any evidence of fault activity in the area_... Besides, it was over too quickly and the tremors didn't quite feel like a normal earthquake.  
     Quietly, they examined the situation, and turned to face the open area of the cave. Sakura was kneeling - fist to the ground - in the middle of a large crater. She looked up at the two of them, eyes narrowed and practically snarling.  
     He could feel Naruto gulp. "Sa-sa-sakura-chan..." the blonde stammered.  
     She stood, kicking at the ground, and a larger rock than the ones that had fallen earlier flew within an inch of the top of their heads and smashed against the wall behind the waterfall. Apparently, Sakura had leveled up, too.  
     "I'm... _right... HERE_!!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.  
     Sakura had _also_ clearly gotten pissed.  
     Which he might have to admit was fair.


	2. Operation: Why Not?

     "I told you, give it up," Sasuke said. "I'm through in Konoha. There's no such thing as 'un-missing nin'."  
     Naruto was still jogging back and forth between himself and Sakura, talking non-stop... which would be a pleasant distraction if he weren't carrying on about _going home_... He hadn't shut up all the time Sasuke'd been walking towards Sound, with the two Konoha ninja tagging along for no good reason. Telling him he could go home was as good a reason to follow him to Sound Village as trying to put sand in a salt shaker because it _came in grains_. Sometimes, ideas were just wrong, and Naruto could never get that through his thick skull. Instead, he seemed to think it was the most natural thing in the world, the idea of _un-betraying_ the whole damn village.  
     Not to mention him in particular.  
     "It's not like you're _really_ missing nin, though. Come on!"  
     Sasuke turned on his heel, face to face and about two inches away from locking horns with his best friend. "What the fuck is _that_ supposed to mean?" He could see Sakura stop and sigh pointedly out of the corner of his eye, then sit down on a nearby rock. Naruto was staring him down, not giving an inch. He could recite their whole history at the blond, but it would be pointless. Sasuke could already see the words flying in one ear and out the other, never making a dent in Naruto's thoughts.  
     How that idiot, whose heart he'd tried to rip out once before -- and he'd do it again if he had to --  
     How _Naruto_ could look at him like that and not consider him beyond forgiveness, he simply couldn't understand. He knew what it was like to be the one left behind.  
     He'd gone with Orochimaru anyway.  
     "_I'm not missing nin?_ I left the village, went rogue, became an enemy. That's what '_missing nin_' means." He ran his eyes over his friend from head to toe, with as derisive a look as he could manage. "Maybe you slept through that class."  
     The snarl on Naruto's mouth was classic. "No freaking way! There's no _way_ you'd be my enemy. You're _Sasuke_, y'got it?! You're our teammate."  
     "All right, Moron," he scoffed. "Vocab quiz. What do you call a _teammate_ who walks out on you? Who sells out his own village for power?"  
     It might have been the wrong choice, but it was the choice he'd made. So, sure, Orochimaru and Sound didn't have what it took after all. No one there was really good enough to prepare him to face the only other living Uchiha. That didn't mean he'd betrayed Konoha _by mistake_ or some nonsense like that. And if someone walked up to him tomorrow with a way he really _could_ grow strong enough to defeat his brother, he'd make the same choice again. No matter how dirty he got, it didn't matter as long as he killed Itachi in the end.  
     "Need a hint, Naruto?"  
     "You're my friend."  
     Well, that was Naruto for you. As stubborn as he was, insisting like that, it almost seemed like the blond was talking to someone else, about someone else. Someone he might have liked to be if things had been different, but he'd _chosen_ to walk this path. Still his friend just _had_ to hold on to those dreams, never realizing how much delusions like that could hurt.  
     Those _hopes and dreams_ had a worse bite than anything Sound had put him through. Because given everything he'd become, no matter what he did from now on, he'd never measure up to the imaginary Sasuke that Naruto was seeing right now. The real him could never be that person. He actually wasn't certain if it hurt more like this, with Naruto dreaming about a Sasuke that was long gone, than it would going back and slowly watching the blond idiot realize what kind of a man had taken his place. Better for him to find out now, or never at all.  
     "Actually," Sasuke replied, shifting his bag on his shoulder, "the answer is _a double-crossing piece of shit_. Kakashi-sensei said about that much our first day. Remember?"  
     He caught Naruto's punch easily enough to know it was more rhetorical than serious. "You take that back!" the Konoha ninja yelled.  
     "That's what I am, Naruto. That's why I'm missing nin. _Really_ missing nin."  
     "You _fucking_ take it back!" The blond yanked his fist out of Sasuke's hand and caught a piece of his jaw on the way. Sasuke wiped away the trickle at the corner of his mouth and slowly turned his hand to look at the fresh blood on his fingers before meeting Naruto's eyes again. "That's not who you are. I _know_ it. You're still Konoha."  
     "Pretend all you like," Sasuke told him and didn't rise to the punch. They'd already had that fight, and right now he couldn't summon the will to defend his place in a wretched little village like Sound. It was still the place he had, until the time came to do away with Orochimaru as well and move on by himself. "You can't save people who don't want to be saved. Didn't your Hokage tell you that?"  
     Naruto glanced over his shoulder back toward the east for a second, toward Konoha. It was a place he couldn't see without Naruto any more than he could see Naruto without the village. Even if he had a whim to involve someone else in this kind of a life, even if he thought he could have a friend at his side again, he wouldn't drag Naruto down like that. As sure as there wasn't a place for him to go back to, he couldn't ask Naruto to leave. Something about the world might break if he did, and there was no one else he'd want to have.  
     "Hey, Sasuke..." the Konoha ninja said in a quiet voice, a voice more mature than he remembered Naruto being able to manage. The pull of those eyes when his friend turned back to face him twisted like a knife in Sasuke's gut. Those were the eyes that always drew him in, made him wish he could be anyone other that who he was, as long as that someone could stay when Naruto asked. "Sound Village," he asked, nodding towards the horizon at Sasuke's back. "Do you really like it that much?"  
     Breathing out slowly, Sasuke tried to hide his relief. For a moment, he'd thought maybe Naruto would bring up last night. He had a right to do it, honestly. Sasuke had stupidly let himself go again in the glow of the campfire, after Sakura had gone to sleep - when it was just the two of them and the dark around them made the world seem as small as the flamelight. Even if the things you can't forget during the day still can't be forgotten at night, they had stopped seeming like reasons not to follow his instincts - at least on a distinctly personal level. He'd given in once before without getting burned, gotten a glimpse of the life he'd given up; by doing so he'd made it that much harder for himself to resist a second hint.  
     It had been slower than their first kisses; for most of the night, he'd managed to lose his sense of shame in the haze of familiarity. He hadn't recognized how one quiet evening by the fire could make _goodbye_ that much harder to say.  
     When he'd woken up in the morning with Naruto's breath on his cheek -- and Sakura standing over them both, threateningly clearing her throat -- that was when he'd realized how much of a problem that connection was going to be. Still, at least he hadn't gone so far as to say anything rash. That meant no promises he'd have to break. If Naruto asked him why even _that_ wouldn't make him want to come home... well, he'd have to find a way to lie, because three years ago he'd crossed a line and there was no going back.  
     It wasn't a lie he wanted to tell.  
     But Naruto would never ask if Sasuke wanted to be with him or not, so he didn't have to lie.  
     "What I like, what I don't like..." He lifted a hand to Naruto's face and ran the back of his finger over his friend's cheek with a bitter smirk. "Doesn't matter a bit." Everything had already been decided.  
     Naruto smacked his hand away. "Don't fuck around, Sasuke!" Those blue eyes narrowed. "Answer the question. _Are you happy there?_ Is that what you want?" The Konoha ninja grabbed his collar hard, demanding to know, "_Is it?_"  
     "If I say yes?"  
     "You're lying."  
     "Why ask, if you already know?" He pulled Naruto's hands off his collar and tossed them away, smoothing out the wrinkled front of his kimono. "Besides, this road..." he said, pointing down the dirt path on the way to Sound Village. "This is the road to my revenge, and that _is_ what I want." He would never be able to wipe the stain of his slaughtered family out of his memory. Their legacy was his, and he would find justice even if it meant killing his older brother with his own hands.  
     As if he'd let anyone get in the way... Even himself. No matter what happened, he couldn't give in to the ordinary desires for comfort and companionship that had once pulled him so far off the path leading to the man he and he alone had to kill. "I _want_ vengeance, Naruto - that's _my_ way of the ninja. And I can't have that in Konoha. Sound isn't the end; it's just a means."  
     He turned around and started walking again. This time, Naruto didn't run after him. He just yelled... Same as always. _The idiot Naruto, world's loudest shinobi_. "You know Orochimaru's gonna use you for his body! So what happens after that, huh? Where's your road go then?"  
     With a laugh, he paused. "I'm not planning to _let_ him. I'll burn the village to the ground first." He didn't owe them a thing. Maybe that made him a consummate traitor, no loyalty even for the people he'd sold out to.  
     No loyalty, not to anything but his own single goal.  
     He thought he could hear Naruto's voice screaming in his head, saying '_No, you're wrong!_' Sasuke breathed a wry, quiet chuckle at the idea: his first reaction just to _thinking_ there was nothing left in himself to redeem _would_ be that, wouldn't it? It _would_ be to imagine Naruto telling him that there was something in him, buried, that still loved Konoha.  
     It wasn't even buried that far down. Sasuke knew it was there.  
     Knowingly betraying everything he cared for -- everything he had left -- to avenge a shadow from his past. That was what truly put him beyond redemption. That was the cause, not the way out.  
     Well, he knew what his old teammate would say if he ever tried to explain that. He wouldn't listen, he'd never admit it. Naruto would always insist that, somehow, wishing he could go back to his old life was enough to make it viable.  
     Just because it hurt to keep walking away, that didn't mean he _cared_ what kind of monster he became or how many times he betrayed the people who trusted him, cared about him. He wouldn't do it without a good reason, but he _had_ a reason, and what he'd done made him what he was... someone who could never take back the only thing that might have kept him at home in the first place.  
     He didn't deserve to hear that voice in his head telling him that, deep inside, there was something in him that could be true. Something worth all the trouble Naruto took to keep him from turning his back, not for the first time and perhaps not even for the last. But that voice was like a part of him.  
     It was half-pathetic that he was glad to have it there.  
     In the world outside his head, there was silence. For once, maybe Naruto had nothing to say. He might be angry still, angry enough to say, '_Fine, have it your way!_' and let Sasuke walk off in spite of everything he'd said up to now. If he was lucky, his friend would give up on him. That kind of resignation was less likely, but it could happen, and they'd both be better off letting go. He'd even be willing to deal with Naruto hating him for walking away, the way anyone else would have done years before. It was the last thing he'd wish for, but if that's how this ended so be it.  
     Sasuke started down the road again, still half-hoping Naruto would surprise him with another way out. That's what his friend did best, after all. Finally, a resolved voice behind him said, "All right," trembling just a little.  
     He listened closely as Naruto breathed out, the tension speeding up his pulse.  
     "_Let's do it_."  
     Sasuke turned around slowly and narrowed his eyes at the glow of anticipation and the excited grin on his old friend's face. "_Excuse_ me?"  
     "If that's what you want to do, _then let's do it_. Right now."  
     Taking a few steps closer, he wondered what the hell Naruto was thinking. Because it couldn't be about finding Itachi, immediately, _together_. It just couldn't. That would be stupid. "Do _what?_"  
     "Go back to Sound!" his old teammate replied, practically jumping off the ground in excitement. Sasuke blinked, taking a moment to process. Naruto couldn't possibly mean _that_ either. That was possibly stupider than taking on Itachi. Not more dangerous, though, just... _stupider_. There was no way Orochimaru and Company would let him stay. And he'd _hate_ it in Sound, even if they did.  
     "What the fuck would you want to do _that_ for?" Sasuke asked, genuinely confused.  
     "You wanna burn it to the ground? I got your back, no problem! We'll be in an' out so fast old Snake-face won't know what hit 'im. This is gonna _rock_..."  
     More than a bit dumbfounded, Sasuke shook his head and tried to sort it all out while Naruto went on raving about how much ass they were about to kick. "You want to help me destr--" He cut himself off and thought back. "Wait, Naruto... _Oi_." That finally got the Konoha ninja's attention. "I never said I _wanted_ to take down the village." It sounded appealing, he had to admit that much, but it was something he'd only planned to do in self-defense if he _had_ to... Even if Sound was small, it was still a whole damn village full of people who would and could cut your throat to get ahead without a second thought.  
     Well, maybe not _his_ throat.  
     "But you totally did!" Naruto yelled back. "And man, I'm _there!_ Got it?"  
     "You want to go back to Sound with me, right now, and take down Orochimaru? Destroy the village? The _two_ of us?"  
     "Hell yes, I do."  
     "And that's the _three_ of us, Sasuke," Sakura reminded him, standing up with her hands on her hips. "If you forget about me one more time, I will kill the _both_ of you. It's this way, right?" She shook out her hair with a sigh - Sasuke noted the dramatic lilt she'd added for effect - and started on down the road. "Are you two _finished_ now? We should hurry before Tsunade-shishou sends out a search party."  
     "Sakura..." he whispered. _Sakura_. Of all the people he'd have figured would never want to see him again, let alone stand up for him against an entire enemy village. "You too?" was all he asked.  
     She paused with a quiet laugh. "Of course, you idiot. _But_..." the kunoichi said, turning to point at the young men still standing on the road. "_Do_ tell me if you two feel compelled to start _making out_ again, because we _will_ be stopping at a town where you can damn well _get a room_."  
     It was strange watching her walk away, same as she always had, acting like there was nothing at all strange about the three of them standing around like this... like friends. Naruto slapped him on the shoulder with a grin, saying, "You heard the lady," and began to run off down the road toward Sound Village.  
     Sasuke reached out and grabbed the back of Naruto's jacket, stopping his friend in his tracks. "I never said I'd go back, Naruto." Some part of him had always known that he could never spend time with them like this again, for this very reason. No matter how much time passed or what happened, part of him would always wish there was a way to be in Konoha again... but every choice had its consequence. This was _his_ consequence. "Even if... _if_... we do this together, this once. Going home..." His fist clenched in the orange fabric. It was a bit of a shock, listening to himself talk for once, hearing himself say that. Over the past three years, he'd managed to bury the fact that he still thought of Konoha as _home_. But he could bury it again and go back to reality when they finished saying goodbye. "I can't do that, Naruto. Give it up."  
     They stood in silence for a moment, their teammate waiting with a sad stare just a bit down the road. Finally, Naruto smiled. Even if he couldn't see his friend's face, he knew, just from looking at his stance and from hearing the sound of his voice. "Not a chance," Naruto replied, and started walking down the road without looking back. Sasuke let go his hold on the jacket as the man moved away, his arm falling to his side.  
     With a tiny smirk, he reached up and scratched the back of his neck. He was standing on the same old dirt path he'd been walking five minutes ago, but it wasn't the same road he'd started on this morning. Now, he was going back to Sound to flatten it just a little ahead of schedule, and for the moment his old friends were walking the same road. Who was he to argue if everything he'd given up just happened to be going his way for awhile?  
     Just because, for a second or an hour or a day, he got the chance to be happy... that wasn't really a reason to walk away from the road he'd decided to take three years ago.  
     "Tsch. The hell with it..." Sasuke said to himself, striding down the path behind the rest of his team and calling out to the two of them so they'd wait. "Oi! Which one of you half-wits thinks you know the way?"  
     Naruto turned around with a wide grin on his face and a laugh in his voice, resting his hands behind his head as he kept walking backwards. "Last one to Sound's a rotten egg!" he yelled, and broke off into a full run.  
     "Oh, how _old_ are you?" Sakura called after him with an exasperated sigh, sprinting to catch up.  
     _Well_, Sasuke thought, chasing after them at a comfortable speed. _That settles that_.


	3. Forecast: Windy, With a Chance of Flames

     It was truly fascinating to Kabuto how much the little things mattered. Everything could be otherwise completely in order, and one picky detail askew could set the whole at odds. Indeed, the _fact_ that one detail was other than predicted, other than proper, could make an underlying flaw in the order itself appear where it had previously gone unnoticed.

     He wandered through the outskirts of the village while he waited for his scout birds to return, double-checking every trap and warning system for signs of tampering, for signs of avoidance. For any signs at all. Unfortunately, if Uchiha Sasuke had been by this way, he'd been too careful to leave any visible trace.

     You see, at this precise moment, Uchiha Sasuke was nine hours, thirty-two minutes, and fifty-three seconds later than expected in returning from his mission.

     Given that Uchiha Sasuke was _never_ late, and given the state of perfect calm about the village, there appeared the effect of the hidden flaw. There was no cause for him to be late, yet he was late all the same.

     A conundrum.

     A contradiction.

     A complication in so many ways, not the least being his master's slowly worsening condition. He would need the Uchiha's body soon.

     The fact that there had been no news of him reeked of danger precisely because _no danger was apparent_. This morning, the sun had risen on time. The weather was fair, as predicted: partly cloudy with a strong wind from the east that broke the summer heat and made the day quite pleasant. No alarms had gone off during the night, their perimeter showed every indication of being secure, and the morning routine was proceeding exactly as it always did. Steaming pots of rice were available in the mess for those who wanted breakfast, the first screams of the day had begun to spread their melody through the compound (the acoustics of the rock particular to the ground in this region were particularly good at distributing a crisp, echoing sound with almost no distortion), the younger ninja were already diligently practicing their knife technique. Indeed, every one of their scouting missions had reported in yesterday or this morning as they were scheduled, not a single problem appearing on any front.

     No stories of epic battles that might have slowed him down, no reports of foul condition or mishap along the way. The boy might attack like a hawk in the darkest night, but he would by no means die so quietly. Sound Village would have heard of it. Naturally, as fastidious about the details as his master was, Orochimaru-sama had been on edge since last evening. He, too, could sense the presence of the flaw they could not detect.

     But they had watchmen in and around the village of Konoha, and there was little chance the Uchiha would betray them to side with anyone else. Who else was as skilled and as willing to train him as Orochimaru-sama? Only the members of Akatsuki might present Sasuke-kun with a challenge, but aside from Sasori-sama none of them were the nurturing type -- and besides, his older brother was among their number. No, Sasuke-kun would go to Konoha, or he would go off on his own. That much was sure.

     And a boy that sentimental would never just leave without saying _goodbye_.

     Certainly he'd have a parting word for his mentor to be delivered at knife-point, or at least an array of bombs if he couldn't summon the decency to show his appreciation for their years together in person. It was very nearly inconceivable that the Uchiha boy wasn't hiding in the outskirts of the village at this moment, waiting for the right chance to attack. Still, he had to see it with his own eyes before he could raise the alarm. The world was simply too _imprecise_.

     Finally, he saw Teion, the largest of his birds, winging over across the trees and circling slowly over his head.

     Sasuke had been found. That had been almost too easy.

 

 

~//~

 

 

     "What the fuck is taking him so long?" a quiet voice muttered to her right.

     Sakura turned from where she was peeking through the tall grass to look at the frowning face of the one-time love of her life. The genius, the elite ninja, the best looking guy in the class... the renegade that so many of them hadn't been able to give up on, even while their elders told them he was a lost cause. Now, here he was -- crouched between her and Naruto, aiming to destroy the village he'd run to when he'd left Konoha, as if nothing could be more natural.

     When they'd stopped in a nearby town to rest last night, she'd sent Tsunade-shishou a communique through the local spy network so that at least the Hokage would be _aware_ that they'd made contact with Sasuke -- upon which meeting they'd '_taken a unique opportunity to execute a strike on the enemy village of Sound with the intent of retrieving Sasuke from captivity, eliminating the missing-nin Orochimaru if necessary and if possible_'. Because Sasuke '_seemed to be non-hostile_'. She hadn't gone into details about exactly _how_ non-hostile Sasuke and Naruto were being (_Seriously! When people are watching! **What** the hell?_), but Tsunade-shishou had to understand that Sasuke wasn't acting like their enemy. That had to count for something.

     If they were lucky, her message would reach Konoha before news of the attack whose plan her teammates had scratched in the dirt between the three of them. It wasn't the kind of plan that usually required a diagram -- she would keep Kabuto occupied once he showed up looking for Sasuke, Sasuke would go to eliminate Orochimaru, and Naruto would destroy the alarm system while holding off anyone else in the village who might complicate either central fight -- but in this case, two thirds of the operatives were coming in with no knowledge of the terrain whatsoever. The fact that this was even happening went beyond ridiculous, but she understood Naruto's decision.

     This was Sasuke. She loved him, too.

     The real question was whether or not Naruto would understand that he couldn't make Sasuke want to come home if, when all the dust had settled, he still planned to follow his own path away from the village. This wasn't going to be as simple as just getting him away from Orochimaru, not as long as Sasuke's eyes looked as distant as they did. There would come a point -- not too long from now -- when they couldn't follow him, and they'd have to go home to Konoha while he...

     She bit her lip, trying to keep all her emotions down. How she was going to tear them apart and drag Naruto back to where they needed to be, she couldn't even begin to think. It was hard enough knowing she _herself_ would have to watch him walk away again. Even if they _could_ take Sasuke in a fight and drag him back by force, none of them would be happy bringing him home any way but willingly.

     Sasuke hadn't changed. That might have been the saddest part of this whole melancholy and bizarre side trip. He still seemed like the same cool boy she'd had a crush on when they'd been in Iruka-sensei's class, and when the three of them had been Team Seven under Kakashi-sensei. He and Naruto had fallen into step on this "mission" like they'd never been apart, and she would have liked to have been swept along, too. Unfortunately, she couldn't make herself blind to the look in his eyes, or as deaf as Naruto was when Sasuke said there was no going home.

     He hadn't changed at all since the night he walked away; she could tell. She remembered what was coming -- the moment when they'd go home and Sasuke would insist for the last time that he wasn't going with them, no matter what.

     Naruto wouldn't like that, and she wasn't looking forward to seeing him get hurt.

     He was annoying, and a little dense, and apparently he'd managed to beat her and _everyone_ in engaging Sasuke's affections (_When did that even happen!? When we were twelve? Were they completely playing me!? Ugh. No, no **way** have they gotten **less** stealthy since we were **twelve**._), but he was still a friend. More than a friend. In a lot of ways, he was like a brother. She wouldn't wish on anyone a repeat of the night Sasuke had told her he wouldn't stay. Not even on _Ino_.

     And even if she couldn't help being just the slightest bit jealous that the two of them only had eyes for each other (_What am I, last week's riceball!? But so fine, he's gay. They could still **try** to remember that I'm here._), she couldn't stay upset for long.

     At least Sasuke had never given her a reason to think she _might_ be worth staying for.

     But Naruto...

     When she spared them a glance, she found Sasuke looking resolutely into the brush while Naruto sprinked dead grass on the dark, spiked mass of his hair. A stray grass blade fell and tickled Sasuke's cheek, prompting him to brush the grass away with a twitch and to elbow Naruto in the stomach.

     Sakura rolled her eyes and went back to watching the approach over the hill from Sound Village. _Boys._

     Who was she kidding? He probably wouldn't even notice.

     A bird circled overhead, sounding a low call, and someone was approaching from the bottom of the hill without even bothering to hide the rustle of his footsteps.

     "There he is," Sasuke hissed, legs tensed and ready to jump.

     Kabuto blinked as he came close enough to smile and wave. "Ah, Naruto- kun. Sakura-san. Well _that_ makes sense."

     For an instant, they all froze, taking in the enemy's position and accounting for their surroundings. Then in a flash, Kabuto dove to the side -- aiming for one of the alarm wires Sasuke had pointed out -- while Sasuke vanished with a quick-step technique to flush out Orochimaru, Naruto exploded into a wave of orange thundering towards the encampment, and she flung a kunai at Kabuto's wrist.

 

 

~//~

 

 

     Fist met face with a neck-twisting slam, and copies of himself coming from every direction were jumping down the holes in the ground that led to Sound proper. Naruto stayed above, eyes on the enemy ninja he'd just sent flying. The guy had hit a tree and landed head first in the dirt, but he didn't seem too likely to stay down.

     Orange confusion blew past while he waited. Step One was to subdue, so Sasuke could take care of his business. He'd get to Step Two when he got there. Meanwhile, he pulled out a kunai and twirled it around his finger, waiting for the enemy ninja to stop thinking and do whatever he was going to do. Sasuke'd said they'd only get maybe two or three hundred people who resisted if he made the assault look "overwhelming", and most of the resisters would be the ones who were "stupid enough to think Orochimaru was worth their necks". Maybe this was one of the smart ones. The guy was _thinking_, after all -- like Shikamaru did.

     The crowd thinned out, leaving just the two of them. A siren was ringing up through the ground like the rocks themselves were screaming, and the occasional Sound ninja with a clone on his tail jumped out of one hole and down another like a giant game of musical hedgehogs, but this match was one-on-one. _Good enough for me_, Naruto thought. One of pair of chasers jumped down the entry way between Naruto and the ninja on the ground by the tree, and the guy's eyes followed them down with that '_thinking_' look on his face. Not long after, those eyes turned up at him.

     "There's _only one_ of you," he said.

     Okay, so not one of the smart ones. Naruto scratched his head, trying to make sense of what he was hearing. "Actually, I made more like nine hundred of me," he said. Could this guy not count?

     Still no motion -- just the thinking. It'd be kind of nice if the Sound ninja would pick whether he wanted to surrender or attack already, because this was getting boring and he couldn't exactly leave until he was sure there was no threat.

     "Hey, mister!" he called out. "Are you planning to fight, or are you just gonna sit there all day?"

     "You're the one attacking _us_, brat."

     "Yeah, well, I'm not gonna fight you if you're not gonna _fight_. We're only here to rescue Sasuke."

     The Sound ninja looked confused. Actually, he looked like a fish, with his mouth open and his eyes all weird, but in Naruto's experience that was generally the look of someone who didn't understand something. "You... you're _what_?!"

     Yup. Confused. "Rescuing Sasuke!" Naruto yelled back. "And I'll stake my life against yours, or Kabuto's, or Orochimaru's, or whoever! He's coming back home _today_."

     "I'm sorry to disappoint you," the ninja said, standing and brushing the dirt off his pants, "but Sasuke-sama doesn't need any rescuing. If he didn't want to be here, he wouldn't be here."

     "You don't know anything about what Sasuke wants!"

     "More than you do, apparently." His opponent pulled two short swords out of the twin sheath on his back. "And if _Konoha_ wants to make a stand against Sound, let alone against Sasuke-sama, you'll need more than _one ninja_."

     Hadn't he just said there were nine hundred? Could this guy not count _and_ not listen?

     Oh, but he wasn't taking every clone separately, was he? That explained it. Well, whatever. At least he'd decided whether or not he was going to fight.

     Naruto pulled his _special_ kunai from the pouch on his leg, mixing it in with the spray of blades he sent whistling through the air when it looked like the ninja might move. The guy dodged them all -- not bad -- but didn't seem to notice the trick. "Oi!" Naruto yelled, "I told you, there's not just one of me!"

     "Nine hundred clones of one ninja is still one ninja, and you'll pay for your audac--"

     The kunai transformed back into another Naruto, putting the Sound ninja into a choke hold. He rushed in, aiming for a headstrike to take his opponent out in one blow (no sense in playing around), but the clone who had been holding the Sound ninja in place lost the grappling match in a big way. He was now an orange blur, speeding through the air at Naruto's head, which meant he needed a change of plans. Naruto ducked and rolled under the flying clone and kicked his opponent's legs out just as he saw the puff of smoke where his former clone hit the ground. With a grin, he stood and told the man who was now lying at his feet, "If you want other ninja, we've got enough. Sakura-chan's right over- -"

     "Dude!" a voice interrupted from up below. A clone was poking his head out of the hole in the ground, breaking out of the larger scuffle taking place under their feet. "Don't _tell_ him that!"

     "Oh, right," Naruto replied, then turned back to his opponent. "Sorry, that's a secret."

     "What makes Konoha think that _two_ ninja are a match for our entire village?" The Sound ninja didn't take long to recover his feet. "Your Hokage has severely underestimated Hidden Sound."

     "No, she hasn't," Naruto replied. His opponent's face twitched. "The Hokage didn't even--"

     He was interrupted by the Sound ninja charging. That charge was interrupted in turn by a wave of clones popping out of the ground in the north, plus what sounded like a stampede underfoot. The one in front of the charge was yelling, "Hey! We got this half locked down! You need any help?" His opponent's momentary distraction let Naruto score a punch that knocked the Sound ninja back into the dirt.

     "I've got the alarm disabled!" another clone yelled, bursting through what used to be solid earth as the klaxon blaring through the compound vanished suddenly. Just as suddenly, the ground all around him crumbled into bits with a loud pop, and the clone scrambled for footing in the landslide. "We're all good here," he finished, waving and smiling. The fresh army of Naruto shrugged and began to launch themselves down whatever gaps in the ground were most convenient, pausing only when a rustle in some nearby bushes turned out to be an enemy patrol returning home.

     "Whoa, shit!" the lead ninja yelped, right before getting clotheslined by one clone and dropped hard by a punch to the gut from another. A few seconds later, the line of clones jogged back from the bushes toward an entrance to the village. One waved at him with a smile.

     "All good!"

     "Nice one!" Naruto yelled back, then turned to his particular Sound ninja, who was wiping a small line of blood away from his eye. "I think I'm doin' okay," he said.

     "We'll see about that," the ninja replied.

     An instant later, the man phased out of view and Naruto felt one knife materialize by his throat. The other was aimed right for his kidney.

     "You may be a match for our younger ninja, but in me you've picked a bigger fight than you can handle," the ninja hissed into Naruto's ear. "No _nine-hundredth part_ of a fool like you can take on one of Orochimaru-sama's hand-picked elite! I'll dispense with you first, then... then with what's _left_ of you, and _then_ your partner -- wherever she is -- won't be long for this world!"

     Naruto rolled his eyes. Stupid Sound ninja. It was a good thing Sasuke hadn't picked up their stupid Sound way of talking in all the time he'd spent here. Listening to them was like watching a bad movie, not to mention that the long speeches gave him extra time to twist the one knife away from his kidney and do a cartwheel to escape the other one -- extra points for kicking the guy in the face while he did.

     "Ow," he said, grabbing at his scuffed jaw. "You little _shit_!"

     "You're one of his elite, huh? _Hey, guys_!" he called. Two of the clones stopped waiting for their chance to jump down into Sound's underground and walked over to form a Rasengan in his hand. He wasn't taking chances -- this was for Sasuke. "So you're like that guy, Kimimaro?" he said, squaring off with the Sound Ninja. "He was pretty damn strong. But too bad for you, I'm going to be Hokage someday!"

     "Kimi--" The enemy ninja's guard dropped a little. "Pretty damn-- You mean, you fought Kimimaro and _lived_?"

     With a Rasengan aimed at his chest, his opponent didn't stay off guard or chatty for long. "_Doton: Ganjun no Jutsu!_" A plate of rock spiraled out of the knife in his left hand, growing into a shield. It splintered into pieces when it came into contact with the Rasengan, but still kept Naruto from hitting his mark. The block pushed him off to the side fast, and he rolled to absorb the impact. Of course, he never saw the seals the ninja made to break the earth open at his feet. He was just lucky he saw the crack. The ground yawned open, rushing across the clearing in a broad chasm and exposing a couple dozen of his clones below to sunlight and falling rocks.

     Would've been a nasty fall if he hadn't managed to jump into the tree behind where the ninja was standing. One of the clones got caught in it and barely managed to cling to the side so as not to fall in, and at least one of the guys in the underground complex vanished under a pile of debris. That looked like it'd hurt.

     "That was close," Naruto whispered to himself. The ninja he'd been fighting didn't stay at rest for long. Another one of the clones nearby had to dodge a spray of projectile rocks a second later, until he could get close enough to grapple. That him was having a little trouble, though. As soon as the enemy ninja's back was to the tree, Naruto took his opening and jumped down, knocking him flat. "By the way," he said. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto."

     "Yeah, I figured," the Sound Ninja coughed.

     "Don't think I caught your name."

     "It's Gozen. Not that you'll need to remember it long."

     He was about to ask why, when all of a sudden a rock spike shot out of the ground and got him hard in the side.

     '_Poof_' by rock spike always sucked. That shit hurt like _hell_.

 

     He and some other clones had just finished tying the hands on the pile of Sound ninja they'd knocked out and started looking for something else to do when they saw the ten-foot spike shoot out of the ground a little to the east. He could make out one enemy and the clouds of a few clones checking out. Looked like trouble.

     "Let's go!" Naruto called out to the other clones hanging around. The ten of them formed up and started over, circling around the Sound ninja and the four clones who'd already engaged to fight. Their opponent eyed the crowd warily, but didn't look too scared.

     "You'll meet your death here, today, at my hands," the guy hissed. "Everyone will see that I, Gozen, was more than a match for _Uzumaki Naruto_."

     "Dude, you _know_ me?" asked the clone trying to put him in a choke lock.

     "Sasuke-sama's orders were clear enough: a loud, blond, simple- minded ninja from Konoha, who says he's going to be Hokage. It's your bad luck that Sasuke-sama's not _here_, or I'd have to hand you over to him. I'm sure your death would have been much faster and less painful at his hands."

     "But Sasuke's totally here!" one clone on the circle called out, followed by a chorus of Naruto yelling, "Yeah!" Before the sound died, the clone on his left gave a nod, and he started making a Rasengan in his palm. It looked like a few more had started all around the outer ring.

     "That's your mistake, but hardly your first. You want to _save_ him? He's Orochimaru-sama's right hand, out doing his work right now! And when Sasuke-sama comes back from his mission, it'll be your _corpse_ he gets from me!"

     "Don't you look down on me!" three clones yelled back as they rushed in with their Rasengans.

     The giant dust cloud whimpering, "Ow..." that resulted didn't look like it really needed to be subdued much more than he already was.

     When the dust cleared, it looked even less like help was necessary. One Naruto was sitting on Gozen's back, while one tied his hands and the other tied his legs.

     "You may think you've won, Uzumaki Naruto, but Kabuto has probably made short work of all your clones underground, and soon he'll be up for--"

     "_Chaa -naro~!!_"

     Kabuto raced across the field, Sakura flying after him. Every Naruto in the crowd and Gozen the Sound Ninja turned to watch her tackle the former spy and knock the both of them down a hole, which quickly turned into a crater -- which then turned into a line of craters spreading south in a series of blasts.

     Gozen turned to the Naruto clone sitting on his back. "Sakura-chan, I presume?"

     "Wow, you know _everybody_..." the clone replied.

     The Sound ninja scoffed as the mass of clones underground started finding their way up out of the rubble, dusting off their hands and scratching their heads as they looked about for something left to do. "Well, when Orochimaru-sama stirs, you'll wish you'd never heard the name of Sound Village, and when Sasuke-sama comes home, we'll see who needs _rescuing_."

     "I told you, he's already here," said the clone sitting by Gozen's feet.

     "He's been gone for over a week!" the ninja replied. "But he's expected any-- Ah!"

     Naruto looked over toward the patch of solid ground Gozen indicated with his chin. Sasuke was facing Orochimaru, who must've been in bed when they'd hit because it looked like he was wearing snake-print pyjamas.

     "It looks like Sasuke-sama will get to fight you himself, just as he wished."

     "But Sasuke's on _our_ side," answered the clone sitting on the ninja's back.

     "...What?"

     Over on the hill, Orochimaru spoke, and his voice echoed off the landscape. "You should rethink this, Sasuke. You still have much to learn."

     "Hmph," Sasuke said. The drawn sword in his hand glowed blue and stretched out in front of him as he took his guard. "_Eat shit, snake- breath._"

     Orochimaru dodged the first attack and shot off toward the woods for cover. Sasuke wasn't far behind.

     "Say," called out one clone approaching the three now sitting on the tied-up Sound ninja. "I didn't think Sasuke was on our side. I thought _we_ were on _his_ side!"

     Half of the clones now milling around and bored started yelling, "Yeah! We're on his side, aren't we?" while the other half yelled back, "No way! He's definitely on our side!" until the whole conversation was a mixed-up jumble so loud you could barely hear the one clone yelling, "Guys! Does it even make a _difference_!?"

     "_Oh_ fuck," the Sound ninja said from where he was lying by Naruto's feet. "We are _screwed_."

 

 

~//~

 

 

     "Hey, Sakura-chan," Naruto said, biting his lip and twirling a kunai he'd picked up off the ground. "Do you think we should go look for him?"

     She turned to Naruto and smiled. Maybe with a little longer to think, she'd come up with a way to raise the idea that Sasuke might have left without them. "Let's give him a few more minutes, Naruto." The blond let out a heavy sigh and leaned as far forward as he could go.

     Maybe she'd be able to think of something if they did walk around. Or maybe Naruto would figure it out.

     "He's got to be done settling things with Orochimaru by _now_."

     No, the thought that Sasuke might not be coming back would never occur to him. Even if she said it, he'd never believe her. Maybe that was why she was having so much trouble coming up with a way to say it. Every time she even started to think about the words, something inside her head yelled back, '_That's wrong!_' just like she knew Naruto would.

     '_Sasuke -kun will definitely come back!_' it said.

     She paused, the sound of her own thoughts taking her by surprise.

     _Sasuke... -kun? _

     Naruto would never say that. She'd never imagine for a minute that Naruto would say that. He'd say something like, '_That bastard's coming for sure, I'm tellin' ya!_' That voice had sounded more like...

     Like... herself?

     And here she thought she'd known all the voices inside her head. Had this one been there all along? Still, it seemed so obvious once she'd realized it.

     That was some voice of her own, yelling at the top of its invisible lungs to be heard, because somewhere deep inside...

     "Sakura-chan..." Naruto interrupted. "Don't you think we should- -"

     "Have some patience, Naruto! He'll be back," she told him with a smile. "He'll be back. I know he will."

     She hadn't seen Naruto quite this happy in a long time.

     "Oh, man! I can't wait to get the team back together. It's gonna be..." He paused, then started waving frantically. "_Sasuke!_ We're over here!"

     "I can _see_ you, moron!"

     There was someone walking at Sasuke's side, Sakura could see from the moment he appeared. As they got closer, it became clear that he wasn't wearing a _stitch_ of clothing -- just his pale skin. Paler even than Sasuke's, with white hair. Sakura blushed and looked off toward Sasuke's face, ignoring the stranger. What was _with_ boys and their complete lack of modesty, even when ladies were present?!

     It didn't take long for them to cross from the woods to the part of the clearing where they were standing. "So, I guess you killed Orochimaru, then," Sakura said when he stopped, just out of arm's length away. How was Tsunade-shishou going to take the news, she wondered. For all that Orochimaru had started a war with Konoha, and for all that he never would have let Sasuke go easily, she had a rather good idea how her teacher felt. How could she not?

     Sasuke was staring at Naruto, and neither of them were speaking. The question hung in the air unanswered until she wasn't sure if she should have asked at all. Finally, Sasuke turned to face her, brushing a stray bit of snakeskin off of his shirt.

     "Mostly," was all he said.

     "Mostly?" Naruto asked.

     With a shrug, Sasuke answered, "He tried to take over my body. I guess he never counted on someone's will being stronger than his. What's left of him isn't going to surface, but it's inside me somewhere."

     "That sounds like a personal problem," the stranger cut in.

     Sasuke shot him an impatient look. "Didn't I tell you to put on some pants?"

     "I never said I was going with you," the boy replied.

     "You're coming back to Konoha with us?" Naruto stuck out his hand, smiling broadly. "Nice to meet you! I'm Uzumaki Naruto!"

     "And I'm Haruno Sakura," she threw in with a smile. Socially dubious nudity aside, it simply wasn't polite not to introduce yourself.

     "Like I said, I'm not-- Wait... what?" The pale boy threw a puzzled look at Sasuke, who was very intently studying something on the horizon to the north. "_Konoha?_ They didn't kick you out?"

     Sasuke's face was as still as stone. He looked like he hadn't even been listening, his attention far off in the distance. His hand, though... his hand was in a fist, practically shaking from the strain of clenching it so tight. Off to the side, Naruto laughed, telling the strange boy, "Are you kidding? Tsunade-baachan'd never kick Sasuke out. And once he get's back, it'll be just like old times! Right, Sasuke?"

     Almost too fast to see, Sasuke took a step toward Naruto, grabbing the front of his jacket roughly to pull the blond the rest of the way in. The stranger took a step back, staring wide-eyed at Sasuke's sudden shift from apparent inattention to trying to wring Naruto's neck. Well, if he planned to spend much more time around them, Sakura was pretty sure he'd get used to it. And she knew perfectly well that Sasuke wouldn't kill Naruto in cold blood.

     "Sasuke..." Naruto said. "I'm never giving up. You know that."

     His grip went slack after a second, arms dropping to his sides. "I can't go with you, Naruto," he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear. If it had been her in Naruto's position, with Sasuke so close and threatening to leave again, Sakura knew she wouldn't have been able to stop herself from holding on. Naruto somehow managed to stand firm. In the end, it was Sasuke; his hands moved to Naruto's hips, holding so hard that it looked like it must have been hurting both of them, but their faces didn't show it. Sasuke had rested his forehead against the other boy's, expression as unreadable as ever, and Naruto was... Naruto; just as strong with his eyes closed as when they'd been open. "I can't go home," Sasuke said in a tone that sounded like he'd used all his self-possession to pull the words out of a frustrated scream. "Why can't you understand that?"

     "You're wrong."

     "I can't." Sasuke bit his lip and stepped away, pointing out toward the horizon to the north. "_I have things to do._ Don't you have to go become Hokage?!" He turned, the stranger following after, and left Naruto standing with gritted teeth. "Get back to the village, both of you," Sasuke said.

     Naruto paused for a moment before he yelled, "No matter where you go, we'll still be here!" at Sasuke's back. His departing steps faltered, but didn't stop.

     Sakura walked up slowly, placing a hand on Naruto's back. It trembled with every breath. "Naruto. I bet I can get a week from Tsunade-shishou before we have to report in, if you want. After that..."

     He turned to face her with a wide smile that was painful to look at. "I know, Sakura-chan. Thank you." Without pausing another second, he sprinted off towards Sasuke, and she after him.

     Sasuke tried and failed to shrug off Naruto grabbing him around the shoulders, which she knew meant he wasn't really trying as hard as he pretended. "What the-- Just go home already, you idiot!"

     "_No deal_. You're stuck with me for a week," Naruto replied, letting go on his own and lacing his fingers behind his head as he walked alongside.

     "In a week, I still won't be able to go."

     "Then I'll keep finding you until you can."

     "I don't _need_ you!"

     The pale stranger (_who was going to introduce himself **when**?_) pressed his hand to his temple like he had a headache and turned to Sasuke to interrupt their argument with a look of complete confusion. "What's your _damage_?" he asked.

     Without bothering to glance at the boy, Sasuke's only answer was to ask, "Where are your _pants_?"

     It was a good question, but far be it for her to comment on the behavior of persons who wouldn't give their names.

     "Fine, _be_ that way. See if I care. Speaking of which, if you want me along, I'm gonna need to be getting something out of the arrangement..."

     He went on babbling, not seeming to notice that no one was listening. Sakura, for one, was too distracted by the way Sasuke looked at Naruto when he thought he wasn't paying attention, studying the obstinate blond with a gaze that was almost warm enough for the ice in his eyes to melt. Unfortunately for him, he was still looking when Naruto turned back.

     Caught without an excuse by one of their teammate's laughing grins, he turned away with scornful sniff. "Suit yourself, then."

     Tsunade-shishou would probably be a little upset, it was true, but she'd understand. How could she not? This was Sasuke.


	4. Spin Control

     "They did _what_?!" Tsunade yelled. All of Hokage Tower seemed to shake as she jumped up from her seat and slammed her hands down on the desk, and for a moment the squawks and flutters of birds flying away from her window echoed in every corner.

     Tsushin, the jounin who'd given the report about the alleged attack on Sound Village, stood at attention. "There's no question. Eyewitnesses placed ninja matching the descriptions of Naruto and Sakura at the site. Follow up reconnaissance confirms that the area was the current main camp for Sound Village, and..."

     He trailed off. The Hokage took her seat, crossing her arms across her chest, and waited for him to continue. _Naruto_ she might have expected to run off, chasing Sasuke's footsteps back to Sound Village after his friend's sudden appearance. She would have liked for him to report back properly on the mission where they'd crossed paths, he hadn't actually abandoned his proper task for his personal whims. She couldn't find it in herself to be angry at him. _Sakura_, on the other hand...

     She would have expected something else from Sakura, but perhaps she could understand why they'd both go that far.

     "And?" Tsunade prompted. She wouldn't be kept waiting on the end results. Neither Naruto nor Sakura could be dead, or the jounin would have had a different face on. He wasn't sad, or resigned. To be honest, he looked scared. "Spit it out," Tsunade ordered.

     "Hokage-sama, it seems Orochimaru was killed."

     She had enough control to not even blink, although she couldn't believe it. Part of her didn't want to believe it. Even though she knew perfectly well that Orochimaru was a criminal, even though she'd resigned herself to his punishment –- especially after he'd killed Sarutobi-sensei –- a little part of herself had always hoped that he'd settle down out of view and live happily in his own way until he found some natural death. Still, there was another part of her that knew it simply wasn't possible, not for shinobi like they had been. But _Naruto and Sakura_? Even together, even if Orochimaru wasn't at his best, they shouldn't have been able to take him down. Had his condition worsened even more than when she'd seen him last? Had her protege and her apprentice been capable of more than she'd imagined?

     She swallowed, biting the inside of her lip to focus and calm herself. "I see," Tsunade said. "Which of them did it?" She resolved not to bear a grudge against either of them for doing their duty by the village or acting out of their affection for Sasuke. As the Hokage, she didn't have that luxury, and as Orochimaru's friend she let herself hope her old teammate might find some peace at last.

     "The reports..." Tsushin said, hesitating slightly. "The reports indicate that the one who killed him was Uchiha Sasuke. The witnesses seemed trustworthy, though frightened and scattered. They all agreed on that point."

     "_Sasuke_?" She didn't know what to think. "You're certain it was Uchiha Sasuke? And he was working with Naruto and Sakura?"

     "There seems to be no confusion, Hokage-sama."

     _Well. Maybe Naruto's obstinacy has claimed another victim_, Tsunade thought to herself, _though I didn't think Sasuke would be such an easy mark_. She'd have to see him with her own eyes before she could be sure.

     "Tsunade-sama," Shizune called from the side of the room, approaching with a pile of letters. She pulled two off the top and handed them over directly, placing the rest of the pile on the desk. "Communiques from Sakura."

     "This ought to be rich," she muttered, then turned to Shizune. "Go send for Sai. I want him here five minutes ago."

     "Yes, Tsunade-sama."

     She tore open the letter and began reading. The fact that they'd run into Sasuke in the course of their assault on the enemy base was already known; Hinata, at least, had given a proper report on everything that had happened, and plenty of witnesses had seen Naruto running off into the woods after Sasuke's trail with Sakura on his heels. Apparently, they'd caught up with him when he ran afoul of a border skirmish. No problems for any of them, but the delay allowed them to re-establish contact and gave them an opportunity to strike against Sound. On the one hand, it meant Sasuke had been working for Orochimaru and turned easily. Someone who traded alliances _easily_ was hardly an ally to keep. On the other hand, he'd turned for _Naruto_. They'd forged an alliance with Sand on the brink of outright war for essentially the same reason, and it was the strongest alliance she'd ever seen. Goodness knew, Naruto had that effect on people.

     Of course, they would have been back in the village before news of the attack could have reached her if they'd returned directly. That didn't bode quite so well for the Uchiha's allegiance, nor did it say much for the decision-making capacity of her two young shinobi.

     She was just about to open the second letter from Sakura when Shizune opened the door and called out to her.

     "Tsunade-sama!"

     Looking up, she saw Sai's blank, smiling face standing in the hallway. "Sai. Perfect timing. I need you to head out and collect your teammates."

     "They've been distracted by Sasuke-kun, I suppose," he said pleasantly and stepped inside the office.

     "So it seems." She finished tearing open the second letter, which started with a report that the 'mission' to take out Sound Village had been a success, and an apology for not coming back immediately. Sasuke had a few 'loose ends' to tie up, Sakura reported, and it was her judgment that assisting him was a good use of her time and Naruto's. She was requesting a week to stay with him and get matters sorted out. Tsunade read the letter and sighed, shaking her head. "From the sound of things, I'd say Uchiha Sasuke doesn't plan to come home. Naruto's being stubborn and doesn't want to leave him," Tsunade said aloud to the room. "They're heading up north, toward one of Orochimaru's old hideouts by way of an island prison. We have some intelligence on the location of both facilities, and I'd say the best place to intercept them is... here." She walked over to the map, indicating a spot between the prison and the research facility for Sai. "I don't care if you have to stuff Naruto into a bag and drag him the whole way. Get him home. With Uchiha Sasuke, if possible, but don't use force on _him_." The last thing she wanted to do was scare the boy, or put him on the defensive. That could only backfire. "Follow Naruto's lead on how to handle him."

     "Naruto might not appreciate that," Sai replied. "He has a very personal relationship with Sasuke-kun. I might be a bit of a third wheel."

     Tsunade squinted at him, not quite sure what to make of his commentary. "Just follow Naruto's judgment about whether you should treat him as friend or foe, and if anyone is going to push him to come back to Konoha, let it be Naruto. Don't involve yourself in that."

     "Understood, Hokage-sama."

     "Go carefully, and be on watch for enemy operatives. It should take you four days to catch up to them at that rate, which will give Sakura the week she asked for." She frowned and bit her lip as she considered the map of the area. "I just hope it's enough," she whispered.

     "Hokage-sama," Tsushin asked. "What will be your response to the attack?"

     She didn't face him. The matter of getting Sakura and Naruto back to the village was far more difficult than the question of how to handle one surprise attack. "We were at war with Sound Village, weren't we? I'd say we just won a decisive battle."

     "Yes, Hokage-sama."

     Now to convince her excitable little rugrats to come back to the village before their '_initiative_' led them to take some action she couldn't dismiss so easily or Akatsuki set their eyes on them. She'd need to get a full report from Jiraiya on the group's movements as soon as he was able to rendezvous with his contact. As powerful as the members of Team Kakashi were, one cell on its own was no match for the people on Naruto's tail. Turning to the crowd around her desk, she called out, "You have your orders. Everyone's dismissed."

     They all answered in chorus, bowing and heading for the door. Tsunade rubbed her chin, thinking very hard about the situation. Uchiha Sasuke was a problem, and she didn't have enough information to deal with him properly, nor did she have Naruto's blind faith in the boy. But was that enough to dismiss the faith she had in Naruto's influence?

     She spread Sakura's two letters out on the desk, studied them carefully, and reached into her filing drawer. She'd kept Sasuke out of the bingo book, overruling the elders, but even she couldn't help filing him with the missing nin. His whole history -- with mission reports in Kakashi's handwriting and notes on progress up to his performance in the Chuunin Exam -- was recorded in clear, bland text that hardly conveyed the appropriate level of fear and anxiety. More than anything, the tiny note under his name, "younger of two Uchiha survivors –- see Uchiha clan [CLASSIFIED], Uchiha Itachi [TOP SECRET: SPECIAL ACCESS ONLY]," completely fell short of expressing the childhood he must have lived. She'd looked over this file many times before. She'd gotten Kakashi's impressions, and Iruka's. She'd hoped to look into Itachi's file as well, but it was _apparently_ so outrageously 'Top Secret' that its very _location_ was unknown to anybody and everybody in Konoha's government. That, or they were all lying to her, which she couldn't discount.

     But what about now? What was she supposed to do if Sasuke came home with Naruto? The town elders had given her substantial trouble about her decision not to hunt him down and kill him, right up until Danzou had stepped in to remind them that they couldn't lay a hand on the boy because of the promise they'd made. A promise that no amount of questioning would make them reveal. If she was going to fight them to let Sasuke rejoin the village -– and she had no interest in trying to explain to Naruto that all his work convincing the boy to return was for nothing, nor in convincing the Uchiha that Konoha couldn't be trusted -– she wanted to be damn sure Sasuke was worth her trouble.

     _Well, if he comes back_, she thought to herself, _he's probably worth all the trouble I can spare just to keep Naruto in the village. And if he's coming back for Naruto..._

     She studied the final line at the bottom of the last page, detailing his defection to Orochimaru -- written in her own hand. "Retrieval attempt failed. Uzumaki Naruto, fallen at the Valley of the Ends, was the last of the team to see Uchiha Sasuke." It wasn't even an echo of how the day had felt.

     And if Sasuke came back...

     If he came back of his own free will, then she wouldn't turn him away. It wasn't any use thinking about it. There was no other decision she could make.

     Tsunade pulled out a blank sheet of paper and a pen, twirling it slowly in her fingers as she bit her thumb and thought about what to write.

 

~//~

 

     "Kakashi-sempai," he said as he pushed open the door to the hospital room.

     "Ah, Tenzou," the team leader replied, then closing his novel and setting it aside on the stand by his bed. "What's the story?"

     "It's... Yamato, sempai. If you would?" What was the point of a code name, anyway, if his sempai addressed him informally? Kakashi knew that, of course. Well, at least he only forgot to use it when they were alone.

     "Right, Yamato. I wasn't expecting to see you until three. So, if you've come to see me early, I assume we'll have Naruto back any day now. It's about time, too." Yamato nodded, and Kakashi stretched his arms and legs and pushed himself out of his bed. The assault on the village that ended up drawing Naruto away had given Kakashi the temporary excuse to leave the doctors' care as he'd been itching to do, but they'd demanded he come back to finish recuperating as soon as it was over. He'd asked for updates on Naruto every day -- and not just because resuming Wind Element training would give him another excuse to get out of bed. Yamato could read Kakashi's face about as well as anyone in ANBU, and he knew how hard it had to be to obey orders and stay here while two... no, _three_ members of his team were in potential danger. As much as his sempai might try to write off Uchiha Sasuke and counsel Naruto to do the same, it was clear he hadn't cut his bonds any more than the blond had.

     "Do you need your crutches?" he asked.

     With a shake of his head, Kakashi said, "No, I'll be fine. The doctors want me to rest a bit more, but I need to start using my muscles properly again." He looked out the window and sighed. Yamato got the overwhelming impression that he would have preferred to _jump_ out the window rather than look, and run after their young charges as fast as he could. "I know how much Sasuke means to Naruto. Believe me, I know. But he couldn't have picked a worse time to run off. After Akatsuki's attack on Gaara in Sand Village and the way you say he reacted at the Tenchi Bridge, he's more at risk than ever. Naruto needs to be training for what comes next."

     Normally, Naruto would have been more invested in his training than anyone else he could imagine -- with only the possible exceptions being Kakashi's rival, Guy, or the man's protege, Lee. But they all knew there was one subject that would take Naruto's attention completely, no matter what he should have been doing. When he'd been handed the chance to chase Sasuke, he probably wouldn't even remember what type of elemental manipulation he favored, let alone be thinking about training it. He'd be running straight forward after his goal.

     The pain of years past showed in the creases of Kakashi's face when he frowned, gaze still locked on the horizon. "I hate to say it, but there are things out there that might matter more than Sasuke right now." He'd trained for years to read people's voices and posture for information, but even so the only reason he knew how _much_ Kakashi hated to say that was the years he'd spent with Kakashi as his own squad leader. More important than any other rules, he'd set them one basic directive: never abandon your teammates.

     Ever.

     The one person he'd seen suggest it found himself off the duty roster for a month and was never allowed to serve with Kakashi again.

     Yamato glanced at his hand on reflex. Even if he couldn't make any assurances about Akatsuki's plans, or Naruto's training while he and Sakura were away, or say much that was certain about Sasuke's future, he could report on one thing. "Naruto didn't manifest any of the beast's tails while he was away. There's that, at least."

     "There is that." Kakashi stretched down to his toes. With another sigh, he pulled himself up and twisted out his back before looking toward the window again. His eyes seemed to gaze further off than the horizon beyond the village wall. "Still, we need to finish his wind manipulation training and strengthen his control over the Nine-Tails. I don't want him to lose it the next time someone mentions Sasuke running off."

     Well, even if they didn't have the full story yet, Kakashi needed to know what they had heard. "Sempai..." he started.

     "Yes?" Kakashi turned around with his one visible eyebrow raised.

     Just then, the door cracked open. They both turned to see the schoolteacher, Iruka, jump and clutch the apple he was carrying to his chest. "If... there's official business, I can come back later," he said.

     Kakashi shook his head. "Come in. It's okay." The schoolteacher walked over to Kakashi's side and put the apple down next to whatever volume of Icha Icha his sempai had been reading. "He's got all the clearances he needs to hear whatever's going on with Naruto," Kakashi said and put his hand on Iruka's shoulder. "Go ahead, Yamato."

     "There's been word from Naruto and Sakura?" The chuunin looked like a thousand pounds of worry had just evaporated when he cracked a smile. "Thank goodness. I heard in the teacher's lounge they'd been seen attacking Sound Village, but no one really knew what had happened." Yamato cringed inwardly, though he tried not to let it show on his face how upsetting it was to know that news had gotten to the faculty at the Academy as fast as it had gotten to the Hokage herself. Of course, the attack had been anything but subtle, and the battle was hardly classified, but still. It should have taken at least a _day_ longer for word to get to the teacher's lounge. Meanwhile, Iruka had only one concern. "They're safe?" he asked.

     "Actually..." Iruka had a much more animated face than Kakashi, on top of which he'd forgotten that the chuunin didn't know yet that his former students were completely unharmed, by all accounts. Yamato saw the man's eyes shoot wide with panic. "No, I mean," he corrected, waving his hands and smiling extra wide to reassure Iruka, "the attack on Sound was fine. They... ah. They won. I mean, it's actually about Sasuke. It sounds like..." He knew how much Kakashi had been through, and that the boy who ran off three years ago had never stopped being yet another teammate that his sempai thought he'd let down. After all this time, the first thing to show on his face at the Uchiha's name was still hope. Yamato had to smile. "Well, it sounds like he's with them."

     His sempai's hand tightened on the chuunin's shoulder as Iruka reached up to grab it and asked with his eyes trembling, "_Sasuke's coming home?_"

     "We can't say that for certain yet."

     Kakashi was clearly smiling under his mask. "If he's decided to listen to his idiot teammates, that's a good enough start for me."

 

~//~

 

     Rainbow-hued, holographic images hovered all around the shabby little cave, jabbering on about who was to do what, go where, bring in whom. Meditating like he had to do to send in the projection, Deidara couldn't even let his mind wander to a more interesting topic, and he certainly couldn't reach for the explosive clay in his real body's side pouch to make himself a model or two. He didn't know why they didn't just go collect all the jinchuuriki straight off, none of this shilly-shallying, yeah? What were they going to gain by waiting around?

     "I presume you've all heard the news about Orochimaru," Pain addressed the company. Deidara's ears perked up, hearing his sempai's name. The bugger was dead, people were saying. He'd tried to poach that bastard Itachi's little brother and ended up carrion that probably even birds wouldn't touch. That'd teach him to try trading up when he bodysnatched.

     Well, except that it wouldn't, since being dead and all there were no lessons to learn.

     "I wanted to be the one to do him, too, yeah?" he muttered. With the spell on, of course, there wasn't much point in muttering. Everyone could hear every damn word you said whether you wanted them to or not.

     "Silence," their leader called out to him. "The question is what to do about Uchiha Sasuke. He's traveling with the Nine-tail's jinchuuriki, and he's shown the capacity to take on a former member of our organization. It will complicate matters if they're still together when the time comes to collect the tailed beast."

     "He's aiming for Itachi-sempai, isn't he?" Tobi's voice grated on every nerve Deidara had in his body. "It'd take more than beating a fail-boat wannabe like Orochimaru to survive a fight with _Itachi-sempai_!"

     The brat lacked any sense of style whatsoever and simply could not keep his mouth shut. Traveling with Sasori-danna had been disturbing sometimes, but just because the puppet master had been a freak. Now that he had to spend most minutes of every day with some punk-ass kid who did little more than whine, he'd have welcomed a lecture on how to plunder a corpse to make a puppet capable of mimicking the former person's bloodline limit. Tobi was like his own personal hell in an orange mask.

     Itachi, on the other hand... He was worse, somehow, even than Tobi. Tobi was just so annoying you wanted to kill him, and if you could _catch_ him it probably wouldn't be that hard. Itachi didn't even need to talk to make you feel like there was no choice but to kill him, or admit you couldn't and retire in shame. He didn't know how Kisame could stand being on a team with that bastard. The Uchiha could look at you and look at you, and you just knew that no matter how hard you tried, he'd never see anything that impressed him. What was so big about being able to make illusions anyway? Tricks of the mind. Making something real, that was _impressive_. And someday, Deidara would make something that could even break _him_. There had to be something.

     That'd be real art. That was beauty, right there.

     "Itachi." Pain turned to look at the rainbow-patterned temporal soap bubble that was Itachi's form in this little meeting. "He's your brother. Do you have any thoughts?"

     The Uchiha stared through them all, silent as a stone. He never had much to say at planning meetings, that one. All quiet and stoic and everyone thought he was cool. Really, Deidara was sure, he just didn't have any ambition. _Poor baby_. All that skill, no idea what to do with it.

     Pathetic.

     If he'd been that kind of a genius, you wouldn't have caught him running off and doing nothing with his life.

     Okay, so maybe slaughtering his entire clan wasn't _exactly_ nothing, but for freak's sake, couldn't he have staged a coup if he was that incredible? That Demon of the Bloody Mist or whatever he was called, that Zabuza guy... He'd nearly managed it, and Konoha wasn't half as hardcore as Mist. Also, Zabuza had been taken out by one jounin who was babysitting three new genin fresh out of school and a civilian.

     Though, to be fair, their intelligence on Zabuza indicated that it had been the Nine-Tail's genin team that did it, which meant the jounin and _one_ of those kids had nearly done him in himself not too long ago. Not to mention the one who'd taken out Sasori-danna with the help of some tottering old fool from Sand. They'd only had three years to grow into that kind of power, so maybe the Demon wasn't a total pushover. He still couldn't hold a candle to most of Akatsuki or they'd have recruited him back in the day.

     And Itachi, as annoying as he was, was in a whole 'nother league.

     Whenever he got to thinking about it, there was something damn weird about that guy. One thing Deidara knew for sure was that he didn't like it.

     "So what if _Orochimaru's boy-toy_ is with the damn jinchuuriki?" Hidan yelled from across the circle. "Shit. I say we haul 'em both in and show the little fuckers a thing or two. Zashin will make short work of a couple of upstart bitches like them."

     Itachi's eyes, ever silent, ever watching, fell on Hidan. Could those perfect genjutsu of his work though the communications spell they used to meet here? Deidara wouldn't have wanted to test it himself, but Hidan didn't seem afraid. Then again, he'd never faced off against Itachi, yeah? How was he gonna know what it was like to have your whole world twisted around and nothing you could do about it? That bastard's spells weren't like anything else.

     "We can't seal the Nine-tails until we've sealed the other eight beasts, Hidan. We leave his jinchuuriki for now."

     "What, he can't sit around waiting? It can't take us too long to collect the rest of them."

     "Perhaps you'd like to be the one who sits here for that time, babysitting the jinchuuriki?"

     "A fuckin' '_no_' is good enough! You don't have to be a jackass about it."

     "As long as we understand one another."

     Kisame was the next to speak up. "That doesn't, however, clear the matter of Uchiha Sasuke from the table. He will find us eventually." He turned to Itachi, who still looked unconcerned. Damn bastard's face never changed. "He'll find _you_."

     Itachi held for a moment, staring down every member of Akatsuki in turn as they all watched him closely. Then he turned to Kisame and spoke in a clear tone, so unconcerned that he sounded downright bored at the prospect.

     "Let him," was all the elder Uchiha said before clamming up again and letting the group get on with their business.

     Not even Pain saw fit to argue with him on the matter.


	5. Two in the Bush

     "But _why_ did they name the bridge after you?"

     "What do you mean, why'd they name the bridge after me?"

     "I mean, _why_?"

     Boys _would_ bicker, Karin thought, rolling her eyes. Why did it really matter that some random bridge builders had taken a shine to Sasuke's tag-a-long Blondie? As far as she could tell, he had the IQ of mashed potatoes, but she'd seen him fight while she monitored their approach to the prison. He was anything but half-assed, and the rest of him wasn't that bad either.

     Meanwhile, questions from Fishy and Blondie repeated like seagulls bickering over scraps: barely too annoying to fade into the background. Listening to them natter made it feel like half a month had passed since leaving Orochimaru's prison, not half a day. But whatever. It meant she didn't have to deal with the pale, slimy bastard herself, and thus her only competition for Sasuke's one hundred percent complete attention was The Bitch. That was as good as winning. No way was the Pink Thing, with her nothing curves and her giant head, any kind of long-term competition. She was always telling Blondie they'd have to go back to Home Sweet Konoha soon.

     Really soon. Like today.

     No problem at all.

     And _holy fucking shit_, Sasuke had gotten hotter or _something_ since their last mission. There was a strange, subtle hum in the air, like his massive hotness was now an area-effect weapon -- and she wasn't talking about some exploding tag. He'd transformed into a walking, talking, jounin-level firestorm sex bomb. With very sigh and every step, he left waves of carnal devastation rippling in his wake -- mostly 'devastating' her while everyone else could manage normal conversation. Karin was used to other people lacking a sensor's magic touch, but this was ridiculous.

     One false move, and she might plausibly start orgasming from exposure in a senseless heap on the floor. The past few hours at ground zero had been nothing but a constant build-up of sexual tension that wasn't going to get any relief until she'd had a good shot at Sasuke behind a closed door. Or on a couch... on the floor... She wasn't picky. What she needed, like a storm cloud needed to thunder and rain, was a chance to get Sasuke on his own and work him up for a little one on one.

     "Would you idiots keep it down?" Sasuke snarled at Suigetsu and the blond. "Help or shut up," he demanded, and jabbed at the map of the Northern Laboratory.

     For a moment, the only sound was Suigetsu slurping some water out of the cup that seemed permanently attached to his hand. Blondie, meanwhile, smiled at Sasuke, yellow hair and orange jacket looking pale next to his bright grin, and he laced his fingers behind his head. "My bad," he answered. "So what's goin' on?"

     That had to be _the_ Naruto. If she remembered those Chuunin Exams, he and the Pink Thing had been on a genin team with Sasuke. No wonder Sasuke had been calling dibs on cutting Blondie's throat before he left for every mission in the field. Nothing said 'It's personal' like calling a kill.

     He wasn't killing Blondie now, but given that Sasuke's genin team reunion had turned Orochimaru's nest into a gravel quarry, that was no shock. Those were the kinds of plans a ninja would hide. Besides, it would have been a shame for a piece of ass that fine to get wasted. Tan and effervescent wasn't to her taste generally, but right now she'd jump that at the bat of an eyelash. The 'garish and loud' thing was working somehow...

     Of course, Blondie would have the Konoha Effect going for him. Inexplicable but anecdotally irrefutable: Konoha boys were measurably hotter than boys from other villages. Like Sasuke's brother -- the most dangerous man in anybody's bingo book anywhere, and possibly also the _hottest_. She'd heard the stories about Itachi. Orochimaru wouldn't shut up about Itachi and how much he wanted to take him down. He was always talking about it.

     All. The. Time.

     Constantly.

     If Konoha's number one bad-boy was half the man he sounded like, they were signing their own death warrants by looking for him, but she'd die with a smile on her face -- because there was hot, and then there was _Konoha hot_.

     Maybe right now Sasuke had her so worked up that she'd hit anything with a cock (except Suigetsu), but her theories on the Konoha Effect went all the way back to the Chuunin Exams. Three years ago, the only thing as noticeable as the universal Konoha hotness had been the 'essence of warm and fluffy'. Karin didn't know how the fluffy could tie into the hot, but they all radiated it. Even Sasuke had a trace still, and Blondie...

     He was _made_ of it, flickering blue and gold all around her. Looking at him made her feel snug all over, like he was a featherbed your lover had just rolled out of to take a shower. A kunoichi could get soft lazing about in a presence like his.

     A rasping shiver shook her out of the moment's reverie. Was that... another chakra? Inside that ball of fluff? Something... Something that wasn't nice at all. Karin suppressed a shudder, backing away from the cold, sharp mass. It wasn't the Konoha boy she was feeling, that was for sure. What it was, she was certain she didn't want to know.

     "You shouldn't even be here," Sasuke spat at his old teammate. "Just leave already." Neither Blondie nor Sasuke had noticed her staring, thank goodness. No, they were locked in an unrelenting boy-on-boy staring match, Sasuke's lip curled with a vicious ferocity that snapped Karin's unfairly tortured and strained libido right back into full drive.

     Seriously, what had Sasuke done to himself? She'd been pretty damn horny at various points in the past, but this level of fuck-or-die heat shattered every memory she'd ever had of being turned on.

     "Say, Sasuke..." Karin leaned over the map with a big smile, and posed carefully to highlight both her attention to duty and her ample bosom. "I remember the southern gate is the most accessible, and there's an easy approach from the beach here."

     He didn't show a hint of breaking his stare with Blondie, she noticed with a sigh. Still, she'd get him in the end, assuming she didn't go crazy with waiting.

     "We could use a list of probable defenses," the Bitch said.

     Sasuke nodded, and turned back to the map. Great. So the Pink Thing got a response, did she? And where had the Konoha Princess been all these years while she'd been working her way up through Orochimaru's ranks, just to get closer? She'd show Sasuke who really cared, and it wasn't some bitch with a forehead as wide as her ass. "What's this '_we_', huh?" Karin shot back, and crossed her arms over her chest. "I thought you were ditching us to run back to your precious Hokage."

     Screw her little holier-than-thou pose, the way she popped her heel -- oh, so demure -- and the big green eyes looking like Karin was some piece of crud to clean off Sasuke's shoe. And screw the snippy-sweet tone in the Bitch's voice, too. "Well, I simply can't stay longer without reporting in from our mission, but I still want to make sure that Sasuke's as safe as possible. He's--"

     "Naruto, where did you keep your blank scrolls?" Sasuke interrupted, turning away from the table completely and rubbing his head like he was getting a headache. He'd been doing that all day, although he'd never been prone to headaches before.

     Karin ran to Sasuke's side and checked his forehead for fever. "Are you feeling all right?" He wrested away almost immediately, but at least it got her a look and a shove that was dangerously close to a grope.

     The Bitch had pulled something out of her hip pouch and was offering it from where she stood. "I've got pain relievers if that headache hasn't gone away."

     "I'm fine, both of you," he answered, pushing Karin a whole step back. "Naruto?"

     Blondie looked over and blinked his big, pretty, vacant blue eyes. "Eh? I've got blank scrolls in my bag. Why?"

     "Because I need one." Sasuke shoved his old teammate on the shoulder to get a better shot at rifling through the pouch on his ass. That left Blondie to start up another staring match with Suigetsu, who had stopped questioning him about the whole bridge thing and was squinting at him silently like some strange breed of fish. A fish with a sippy cup and a loud slurping habit.

     Meanwhile, the Bitch was still studying the map like she was part of this team. Who did she think she was, moving in on Sasuke like that? She couldn't claim she didn't have a thing for him. It was all over her wide, ugly face, but she'd had her chance three years ago. Sasuke ran with a different crowd now.

     "Can I help you with something?" The Pink Thing's dewy eyes were friendly and helpful -- helpful like all she'd want was to 'help' her new 'friends' get themselves impaled on the lamppost outside the inn.

     Karin replied with her best smile. "Oh, no. I was just kind of wondering what shampoo you use on your hair. It's so shiny."

     "Oh, thanks." The Bitch smiled back and tossed her head. It was a fake smile, but at least they were on the same page. "It's really nothing special. I just have to say, though... Those shorts look fantastic on you. Where on earth did you get them?"

     "Around. You know," Karin laughed. "And they were totally on sale, too."

     Finally the Bitch went back to whatever she was doing and Karin could steal another glance at Sasuke digging through Blondie's hip pack. Her dark-haired prince seemed to think his tag-a-long organized his weapons inefficiently, if she had to judge from the low-voiced mutterings drifting over to the table, but so what? She'd be happy to watch Sasuke handle the Konoha boy's ass all night if he had to.

     "What the fuck?" Sasuke pulled something out of the blond's pouch that wasn't a scroll of any kind. "Naruto. Is this what I think it is?"

     It was a Konoha headband -- that much was obvious. The metal looked clean, though there was something dull about it, as if it hadn't seen the washing of wind and time and blood. A mark across the leaf that should have sent any Konoha shinobi to the quartermaster for a new headband was the only scratch, too -- none of the traces of a shinobi's career anywhere. Whatever it was, Sasuke recognized it, and he wasn't amused.

     He thrust the blue headband forward so the blond barely had to turn to see it. "Is what-- Eh? It's your forehead protector. What else would it be?"

     Karin didn't even have time to finish thinking, "_...Oh_" before Sasuke had Blondie pinned against the table and the thought transformed to, "_Oh my!_"

     "Why the hell would you have something like this?" he demanded, his voice in a raw bellow that Karin had never thought to hear from the cold-blooded shinobi she adored. His pale skin had turned visibly white in the knuckles where he'd twisted his hands so tight in the fabric of Blondie's jacket that she was surprised the seams hadn't burst.

     "Not again..." Suigetsu groaned, wandering to a nearby chair to work on his sippy cup. "They are so _gay_."

     Naruto, pushed off the table so he was nose to nose with Sasuke and yelled, "Well, it's yours!" loud enough to hurt. And if her eyes weren't playing tricks on her, the whisker-like marks she'd thought were tattoos had started to darken and grow. Sasuke released his grip on the blond's jacket long enough to slam his shoulders against the table. Good thing it was made of thick wood.

     There was absolutely no doubt. That was the Naruto that Sasuke had claimed out of all the opponents they might meet on the battlefield. There had always been a subtle flare in his chakra when he'd given those orders, and now it was erupting all through him. He was brighter, like he was reflecting the shine that seemed to pour out of Blondie like a geyser. She'd never seen Sasuke so vibrant. All in all, this little trip was like a dream come true.

     "How many times do I have to say this, Naruto?" The way Sasuke narrowed his eyes like he was thinking about ripping out the blond's throat was kind of electrifying. And she had a front-row seat! Lucky!

     "Sasuke..."

     She wasn't reading an ounce of killing intent off either of them, despite the power flowing through all their muscles, despite the determination letting Blondie strain up, despite Sasuke's arms shaking with effort to keep him down. Just... well, maybe she was a complete pervert, but that was total sex. The arch of Sasuke's neck where his collar fell back, the tremble on both their lips as they breathed heavy and hard, the splay of Naruto's legs looking for purchase on the table where they pulled his pants tight enough to show that hint of package... It was beautiful -- and strange -- how Konoha people fought.

     And kind of seriously hot.

     Sasuke turned his non-death glare at the gallery, then pulled Naruto silently off the table -- moment, alas, paused. "Okay, let's go," the Bitch sighed and pushed on Karin's shoulder. "The boys need some _alone time_ to work out their issues."

     Well, she hadn't needed some pink-haired, green-eyed, half-demon snob to tell her Sasuke didn't want people around while he was bickering with Blondie. But why? Why?! She'd never seen two Konoha shinobi scuffling to get their rocks off before, only kill-or-be-killed fights against other nations. The idea of two highly skilled ninja fighting, not on orders and not to kill but because they couldn't stand not to throw each other around until they were both worn ragged... That sounded like the best porn ever. But on top of the look in Sasuke's eyes, there was the chakra-enhanced force in the Pink Thing's hand. She knew better than to grapple with someone as stupidly strong and short-tempered as the Konoha Princess. Besides, if she wanted to ogle the oddly pornographic image of two pretty, pretty Konoha boys fighting, she could spy on them from the next room. It wouldn't be hard, given the way both of them had their chakra raging.

     While the Bitch pulled Suigetsu out of his chair, Karin kept her eyes on the two boys getting in each other's faces. The blond said something to Sasuke too softly for her to hear just before her flat-chested rival shut the door, but even through the solid wood she could hear Sasuke yelling back, "_What the hell do you know?_" loud enough to set the rafters singing.

     Karin tuned to their chakra as soon as they got to the common room, happy as peaches. Suigetsu headed the bunks everybody but Sasuke shared and slammed the door -- bonus! -- leaving her to ignore the Bitch and watch hot action of two Konoha chakras assaulting each other at full force.

     "That doesn't matter!" Blondie's voice, though muffled by the closed room, was more than loud enough to understand, and the sounds of a scuffle echoed softly under his yells. Sasuke and Naruto's centers of energy -- easy to differentiate by flavor -- were pacing around what had to be the table now. Staring each other down, guards up, legs tight and ready to spring. Ooh, and that was Sasuke tossing Blondie at the wall, then dragging him up by the collar. The shock in that crash was better than chocolate. Now, never let it be said that she didn't get off on violence, but that energy was a quintessence of what had been laying her libido to waste all weekend. Someone should have been bottling Konoha Fight as an aphrodisiac for years.

     Unsurprisingly, she couldn't hear what Sasuke was saying when their chakras got all knotted up in the press of bodies. He wouldn't yell from that close. Before this, she never heard him yell at all. He always had it together.

     Except when it came to that blond.

     "It doesn't bother you that Sasuke might kill your little boyfriend?" Karin mused aloud, and caught the Bitch's eye. Pink Hair was writing a letter -- probably another message to her Hokage, keeping Konoha informed of Sasuke's whereabouts and plans. The sooner he faced up to where her true loyalties were, the better. "You know, that's the only thing he ever tells anyone about Konoha -- that you guys have a ninja named Uzumaki Naruto whose life is his to take." Poison-green eyes narrowed across the table at her. What did she think she knew? Any chuunin could determine whether a fighter had the balls to kill, but she couldn't claim to have Karin's level of sensitivity to what was and was not killing intent. The Bitch would be guessing at best, and it was worth the half-lie to drive home the fact that Sasuke never talked about _her_ while he'd been in Sound.

     But she had some nerve on her; Karin had to give the Pink Thing that much. After the comment sent a palpable ripple through her stone-smooth chakra, she locked it down immediately and her face didn't even twitch. "Sasuke might not know, but I do. When he has a choice between killing Naruto and not killing Naruto, he chooses the same way every time. He's just trying to make Naruto give up." With a bright, sunny smile, she turned away and picked up her pen. "For Naruto, that's not a choice."

     "You really think you know him, don't you?"

     This time, Karin had earned the Bitch's full attention; she pushed her letter aside and turned as she recrossed her legs so the two of them were eye to eye. "So, I guess if you know him better, you must know what they're arguing about in there."

     Self-righteous, pink-haired, flat-chested skank. Maybe he didn't kill Naruto because now he knew it wasn't necessary, and he didn't like to kill when it wasn't necessary. Orochimaru had scolded him for that often enough.

     Not that Blondie didn't get under Sasuke's skin. Anyone with eyes could see that. But a girl who'd been living in a different world all this time would never get the satisfaction of thinking Karin didn't know everything there was to know. A Konoha headband, right? Sasuke's headband, which Naruto had been holding onto for years. A gash through the leaf emblem that wouldn't have lasted two seconds between missions. It all added up. "They're arguing about the day Sasuke left Konoha, obviously."

     She'd expected vexation when she got it right, but hadn't been expecting the other kunoichi's eyes to cloud over with pain. One verbal dart shouldn't have disturbed her chakra that much; her control was what put her in the big leagues. Pain like that, from mentioning how Sasuke had left...

     _Well, can I blame her? If I'd--_

     What would it get any of them to compare how she would have felt? She turned her eyes back on the closed room to drive it out of her head. There, the two chakras tangled on the floor, wrestling to subdue the other with the occasional crash against furniture or thump against a wall punctuating the exchange.

     "When the Kakashi-sensei found Naruto at the Valley of the End..."

     The kunoichi had a quiet seriousness that crawled under Karin's skin and that she couldn't manage to ignore, as hard as she tried.

     "... he was unconscious -- half dead."

     The other girl put so much effort into making herself calm enough to say that, the strain resonated in the clean, precise strokes of her pen on paper.

     "I think it might be harder to put Naruto in that state than it would be to kill him completely, especially since Sasuke could have finished him off before he ran."

     Karin tried not to feel the sadness in the other girl's silence as she rolled up the letter. It was easier thinking these Konoha interlopers had no more true feeling for Sasuke than strangers, but she could feel emotion like a knife's edge despite herself. The boy, still chasing a battle that was long since lost. The girl, used to looking at someone who was always looking at someone else.

     "Sasuke doesn't want Naruto dead," the Konoha girl concluded in her strangely even voice, "and I hope that never changes."

     A door slam ended the quiet yet decidedly uncomfortable conversation, thank goodness. Karin was practically dying to turn away from the pink-haired girl...

     ... And there was Sasuke pacing down the hallway, fighting an urge to choke a bitch. She could tell, because she could see his muscles tense across his cream-worthy shoulders _that she could see because his shirt was hanging from his fist_. Sasuke. Half-naked, right down to the tight black gauntlets tracing up his arms. She couldn't remember having a thought in her brain besides, 'Thank you, O Powers that Be!' She'd missed the end of the fight, unfortunately, but she still got to see shirtless Sasuke, and wasn't that a fair trade?

     _But does that mean I missed naked arguing? Not that I'm complaining, but ... naked arguing? I was joking when I said them fighting would be porn!_

     Then Blondie came out after him, slamming the door and following Sasuke down the hallway. Likewise sans shirt. Both of them bruised and cut up in only the non-swelling, sexy ways. All attempts to explain or justify, Karin shunted aside. Those two could have naked arguing any time they wanted, as far as she was concerned. Hot and bloody, skin on skin, lean-built ivory on ripped tan? Watching that might just be a heretofore unexplored definition of heaven.

     "Sasuke! What's the matter?"

     Her prince stopped so suddenly that Blondie ran into his back. Hand at his temple, rubbing at that headache that wouldn't go away, he hissed, "I said no, I mean no, and I want you the fuck out of here _now_."

     "I don't understand!" Naruto pulled Sasuke's arm so they were face to face, both pushing into each other's inches and not giving any ground. The boundary between their chakras was bubbling and steaming every which way in a frenzy of colors. She couldn't remember ever having seen that kind of feedback firsthand, but then, Karin had never felt Sasuke strain so hard to keep himself under control. She struggled just to breathe under their weight.

     Sasuke grabbed a fistful of Blondie's waistband, nose to nose and almost mouth to mouth while they bickered. "I can't go back, Naruto!" He sounded like he wanted to rip the blond's head off even more than he looked it. "You are going to walk out that door, and you're going to forget that any of this ever happened."

     Naruto didn't back down, and quite frankly that was no problem. The tension shooting between their faces, in distance to breathe each other's breaths, was enough to make Karin's week.

     "I'm not forgetting anything! And what does--"

     "What the hell kind of jackass do you think I am?!" Karin gripped at her seat. No one did this to him. No one made him lose his cool. She would have killed to be able to get Sasuke to flip out like that. That blond...

     Naruto gritted his teeth and snarled. "The same kind you've always been!" He pushed right back into Sasuke's face... and... into his arms? There was really no mistaking the way Sasuke's hand stroked across the blond's back. Likewise the desperate look she never thought she'd see in Sasuke's eyes, nor the way he bit his lip before he got a hold of his senses and shoved Naruto up against the wall. Even if she could have missed that, she never would have missed the ripple of pure lust erupting all through both of their chakras -- which only Sasuke felt compelled to try to cage in.

     He~llo. She couldn't just be seeing things through sex-colored glasses, not with that. And it was _perfect_. What the hell! Sasuke could have told her he had a _boyfriend_! Especially a boyfriend with as great an ass as Naruto's.

     "What does you being a jackass have to do with _anything_?" the blond demanded, as if he hadn't noticed Sasuke throwing him around. "You'll be a jackass wherever you are! You're not making any sense, Sasuke."

     Tearing his eyes away from his old teammate didn't look easy, but far be it for Sasuke to forget that the hallway didn't have a door. "This isn't a show," he told her with a truly vicious edge on his glare. The Bitch, damn her non-sharing of important details, was busy writing little notes in her journal and ignoring the argument -- which meant Karin got his full attention. Not that that was a problem. His dark eyes could cut through her anytime. That was o~kay.

     Alas, arguing that it ought to be a show because it'd be the hottest ticket in any country wouldn't get her any more Konoha-on-Konoha action. She turned a full one-eighty and studied the table for some hint of a reflection. More the pity, there wasn't a single reflective surface anywhere she could use for spying. Audio only.

     "I told you, Naruto, I'm not..." His voice trailed off, then he yelled at the top of his lungs. "Don't fucking look at me like that! I can't. There's no way."

     "Can't _what_?! You keep changing the freaking subject!" Karin strained her ears as the dialogue dropped off into silence. The low sounds of cloth against cloth against the wall were the easiest to hear, then the unique signature of a violent kiss -- heavy breath and involuntary groans stifled by a lover's mouth. And the slight shift in the fabric rustling might be one of them holding on while the other tried to force his way out. "_Sasuke..._"

     "That was the last time, Naruto. You don't want this."

     "Like hell I don't."

     The tumult of confused intentions seethed in Sasuke underneath the calm of his voice, throwing her so off balance that, before she'd realized it, Karin had started gripping her chair to say upright. She put up every wall she had to shut out the urge to scream '_Just go with him already!_' Those were Blondie's emotions, and a bit of the girl's, she guessed. That wouldn't help. It'd only piss Sasuke off more, and she didn't even know if going back to Konoha was a good idea.

     "I'm not explaining again," Sasuke snarled. A moment's scuffle sounded from the hall and fell to quiet footsteps. "And don't you _ever_ lie to me."

     "I never--!"

     "Don't give me that shit! Since when do you want _me_? Huh, Naruto? _Since when?_ What happened to Sakura?"

     "She's right there! If you can't tell what she thinks, you can ask her yourself!"

     "_Why are you such an idiot?!_"

     Sasuke's voice rang like thunder in the room -- the kind that was just a bit too close behind the lightning and made you wonder if the fear would ever stop shivering from your neck to your toes. That confusion, bleeding through her shields from Sasuke's chakra no matter how hard she tried to block it. And the pain... If an old teammate brought a little light into Sasuke's life, great, but at that instant he felt like he had third-degree sunburn of the soul. It was a good thing she hadn't called out a second ago that Sasuke should just go home. She couldn't bear the thought of him living under that kind of heat.

     Then there was the girl -- Sakura... She had that sadness around her again, the strain of two men playing tug-of-war on a rope that tied all three of the Konoha ninja together.

     Karin looked back to the hallway, not sure what she was hoping to see. Maybe that Sasuke wasn't about to succumb to spontaneous combustion. He wasn't, of course. His eyes were screwed shut and his hands tight around Naruto's throat. He had a lot of pride -- too much for this. There was a solid chance he'd never forgive her for seeing him like that, but what was she supposed to do? Stop caring?

     But even though she couldn't say why, watching them made Karin certain that Naruto wasn't the cause -- she just had a sense. He was the one who could make Sasuke feel anything as deep down as that, while she hadn't even realized there was anything to worry about.

     She hadn't felt this helpless since the day she'd first seen Sasuke smile.

     _Please, Sasuke. Don't push him out, too_, she prayed inside her head. This time she was sure.

     Like an answer from heaven, his grip relaxed, fingers curling into his friend's blond hair and hands cupping his face. Naruto's eyes closed, too, when Sasuke rested their foreheads together, and he wrapped his arms tight around the other boy's back. "I don't need someone like you," Sasuke whispered. His voice choked up in his throat, but the sound of it was nothing compared to the anguish ripping through him. Ripping through her -- Karin couldn't stop it. All she could do was wince at the strike of a few warm tears falling on her thigh. "Just disappear already."

     "Never. I told you, I'll--"

     "You won't always be here!" Sasuke threw down his arms, and she snapped her eyes back to the wall and shut them tight. No taking chances with that mood. "You're leaving today, Naruto. Understand? _This_ is goodbye. All this nonsense is over when you walk out the door."

     "I'll never go back on my word! That's my w--" The blond's voice cut off, swallowed in the heartbeat when both their bodies hit the wall again. In the silence, Karin found herself crossing her fingers and hoping Naruto could keep that promise. The confused haze of Sasuke's mixed-up storm was clearing for the first time, all because of those few words.

     "_Moron_," he murmured. "You need me to show you why this is a bad idea? Fine. Whatever. But don't say I didn't--" Silence fell again -- what felt like an eternity but couldn't have been more than a breath. Then Sasuke growled. "Naruto..."

     "What?! You started it!"

     "_Not in the fucking hallway_."

     A rough grab and a surprised shout later, she heard a door slam hard against its frame. One of those boys was the world's luckiest idiot. At the moment, she was having trouble deciding which one. Over on the couch, on the other hand, it looked like someone was having trouble going back to her notes. A little bit of Sasuke's headache was rubbing off on the pink-haired ninja, but if there was one thing Karin knew how to do, it was clear the air.

     "Hey, thanks for nothing, _Bitch_."

     Sakura's head snapped right up and she clearly wished she really could shoot poison darts out of her eyes. "I'm sorry, _Slut_. Were you talking to me?"

     "Don't even pretend you had no idea. I guess a quick, '_Give it up, chicky -- he sucks cock_,' was too much to ask, huh?"

     "And I guess it never occurred to you that _maybe_ more important things are going on here." The honest bile from the other kunoichi decimated the last of the lingering heaviness in the atmosphere. Thank goodness.

     "Oh, please." With a sigh, Karin rolled her shoulders to drop all her excess tension and started pulling her hair up into a ponytail. For the first time in over a day, pent-up vibes weren't frying her brain like an egg in a volcano, and she was feeling almost normal. "Like getting Sasuke to go home had _a-ny-thing_ to do with you stonewalling me -- and for the record, I'm not gonna stop you, so you can take that ice out of your knickers any time you want. But whatever. I would have done the same thing if I were you."

     Silence. And one hell of a deadly scowl while Pink Hair found something more fascinating to take notes on.

     "Have it your way." Karin stood and stretched while she stole toward the hallway, then pivoted around a corner of the wall and whispered, "You know you want a peek. Come on!"

     The Konoha girl blushed as red as her shirt, startled and aghast. "You're _watching_ them?"

     "There's a certain etiquette to situations that one does and does not put a chakra sensor into without _a little warning_. After everything they just put me through, you know what? I _deserve_ to watch."

     Despite the suspicious wonder overcoming the ire in the girl's eyes, Sakura kept her seat. Well, if her new sort-of teammate didn't want in, that was her loss.

     Karin crept silently toward the sliding door. Opening the door a crack was just as touchy, but at least it was a paper screen and not a thick, wooden door on a hinge like the planning room. One miniscule push was more subtle than turning a handle and trying to get a door open to the right angle without being seen. She could make out Naruto's hair and part of his side. It was clear his pants were most of the way to the laundry pile, and his... well. Wow. She wouldn't have minded getting a lick on _that_ popsicle one bit.

     From the two boys' lips locked in a distracting kiss to Sasuke tugging Naruto's pants past his knees, this was a dream come true. The blond boy worked the knot on Sasuke's belt, and with a rough shove, Sasuke knocked Naruto onto his back to tear his pants the rest of the way off. Karin would have paid good money to see hard-breathing abs like those. "Wait up!" The blond pushed back onto his shoulders. "I can't-- I mean, what kind of knot is that, anyway?"

     "You are _useless_," Sasuke sighed. In all fairness, though, Kouzanchou-musubi was an A-rank knot -- Karin had been studying for years how to untie it gracefully. Sasuke had picked that knot specifically because it was too secure for Orochimaru to do something to it without him noticing. But now, all of Sasuke's problems were over! The pants could finally come off! Karin ogled the fine lines of his back while he untied the belt himself and unwound it from his waist. Then he paused, just as he was dropping his ass-warmer, and looked straight at the door.

     _Oh, shit. Show's over._

     "Can I help you?" Sasuke asked.

     Karin pushed the door all the way open and smiled a big smile. No sense pretending she wasn't there, not when she was dealing with Sasuke. He looked extremely confused in her direction for a moment, and she took the opportunity for one good, long look at the tableau of hot, naked boys in a pile on the floor.

     Prompting Sasuke to clear his throat and drop his ass warmer on top of his boyfriend's erection.

     "Ah, right," Karin stalled. She pointed out into the entry way. "I sensed someone. Approaching. They were... ahh ... coming this way." At least she had an excuse she could always count on.

     Sasuke's confusion changed to mild annoyance. "Are they attacking?"

     "No, I don't think so," she answered with another smile.

     Karin took one last opportunity to admire him turning back to his prior commitments and straddling his boyfriend (still sprawled on the floor). Limited time offer and all. Blondie waved, ears blushing bright red and an awkward grin on his face. Of course she had to wave back. That was super-fucking-cute. Sasuke, meanwhile, tossed his ass-warmer out of the way and shoved his own pants down around his hips, "Good. If they show up in the next few minutes, you handle it. We're busy."

     "Sure thing!" Nobody could handle an imaginary visitor better than her. Karin shut the door with a solid thunk and turned back to the sitting room.

     Where the pink-haired Konoha bitch was grinning like mad. About damn time.

     She sunk into the next seat over on the couch with a sigh, happily replaying the scene from Sasuke's bedroom in her mind. "Oh man. They're totally fucking in there."

     "Well, they've been two inches from tearing each others' clothes off all week." Green eyes that were now more curious than venomous shot her a sidelong glance. "So, now that you know how it is, you're just going to give up on Sasuke? Just like that?"

     "Hell no!" she laughed back. "Holy shit, that was hot. I'm going for the full combi."

     The girl's eyes went wide. "You're _what_? You mean... together? _Both_ of them?"

     "Did I say you weren't invited?" Karin pouted at the other kunoichi's blank shock. Oh, she was definitely going to have to do some work on her if _that_ was a stretch of the imagination. "Come on! Like I want to break up the set. I thought Sasuke was great on his own. Sweet and cool," she said, remembering how his chakra presence felt when she'd seen him the first time, and when she'd come to Orochimaru to find him. "Like ice cream. But with Blondie in there... just _wow_. That's like... ice cream _with hot fudge sauce_. And you could have this great waffle cone thing going on. Trust me, I would do _anything_ to be the cherry on that sundae."

     The blinking and the uncomprehending stare were practically worthy of Blondie.

     "What? You're cute enough when you're not being a bitch. I'd totally do you."

     "Ah... thanks?"

     "Just think about it." She pushed her glasses up on her nose, activating the chakra in her eyes at full force to get a look at what they were projecting through the walls. Watching Sasuke bend his head low between Naruto's legs didn't even require that much imagination. "Oh, nice," Karin giggled. "Actually, in that position, they're more like ice cream on hot apple pie. Now that's what I call _a la mode_."

     Karin was dead certain the horrified blushing on the Pink Thing's face meant she was planning to object to the peeping -- again. Then Blondie's voice echoed out into the main room in a choked gasp, like he was trying to say Sasuke's name but took a left turn towards Incoherentsville halfway through. She could hardly blame the girl for losing it in a fit of giggles. Sex noises were _hilarious_. Before long, they were both hysterical, fighting the laughter off as best they could to keep from disturbing the boys, and fighting harder to get a breath in edgewise.

     Suigetsu walked a few steps out of his room, looking confused as he turned between Sasuke's door and the two girls laughing. "What the hell is that noise?"

     Karin managed to get a straight face on first, but only kept it long enough to say, "Sasuke and Naruto. They're consummating their uncontrollable passion." That set the Konoha kunoichi to giggling again, and watching her try to stifle the sound made Karin start laughing out loud.

     The white haired freak narrowed his eyes at them and turned back to his room. "Girls are weird."

     Rolling her eyes, she whispered in the other girl's ear, "One of these days, he's going to wonder why he can never get laid, and _I'm_ not going to tell him."

     "_Seriously_." One ponderous jade-green stare and a troubled sigh later, she said, "You can't expect me to believe you'll let Sasuke go back to Konoha without a fight."

     Oh, suspicion. That was so like a ninja.

     "Believe me or don't. Your call," Karin answered with a shrug. She'd watched Sasuke get colder over the past three years, and she'd seen him come alive today because of his genin team, but she'd never seen a side of him she didn't like. Konoha might be good for him. Hell, it might be best for him, and she wasn't going to stand in the way of that. Still, it wasn't _her_ village, and never seeing him again was one hell of a major downside.

     Although... technically, she was minus a village at the moment.

     "Hey, it's Sakura, right?" She sat up straight and intent, even consenting to ignore the hot sex in the next room. "What kind of immigration policy do you guys have?"

     If she'd been suspicious before, the girl was now about ready to hit the proverbial panic button. "Immigration? I thought you said that our 'touchy-feely training made us soft and useless'."

     "I was being a bitch, okay? Everybody who's even halfway sane thinks about moving to Konoha sometimes -- and here I am, a free agent. I'm totally serious. Where do I sign up?"

     "Excuse me if I'm blunt, but you worked for Orochimaru. Even Sasuke..." Sakura bit her lip and looked to the far wall, where Karin couldn't see her eyes. "The Hokage and Kakashi-sensei may be on our side, but that doesn't mean it'll be as easy as Naruto thinks. There are a lot of people in the village who won't accept him. I can guarantee you, those same people -- and a lot more besides -- would question whether you could have any loyalty to Konoha."

     "You mean, people like you?" Without answering, the pink-haired kunoichi turned back to face her, gaze steady as could be. "See, I know you think Sasuke's a good bet, and I think I know how far you'd go for him. You came all this way, and I'll be damned if you didn't break orders doing it. So you'll understand when I say my loyalty's to _him_. Screw villages. I'm not asking 'cause I want a pretty leaf on a forehead protector. Sasuke's my teammate, too, and if I'm not going to leave him because he's dragging us all on some crazy suicide-revenge thing, why the hell would I leave him just because he wants to play house with his sweet-assed boyfriend back in the land where all the hot boys live? Seriously not a DQ, chicky."

     Stunned stammering from her interlocutor. She'd been following with what looked like sympathy as far as 'loyal to Sasuke through anything', so that probably wasn't confusing her.

     "Please tell me you've _noticed_," Karin sighed. Konoha girls were seriously spoiled if they didn't recognize that their dating pool was good enough to be called an employment benefit. "Like, ninety percent of people from your village are outright hot, and the rest are just kind of meh. No one too funny-looking, no one who's an eyesore or a total freak. And the jounin... I mean, holy shit. That Ibiki was unbelievable, not that you'd catch me saying no to Anko any day of the week. Maybe I was young and impressionable during the Chuunin Exams, and maybe I've been hanging around Orochimaru's freakshow too long, but I'm not wrong."

     Sakura shook her head while she packed up all her papers. "You can't expect the Hokage to approve you for immigration because _you think the boys are hot_."

     "And the girls," Karin reminded her, nudging Sakura's leg with her toe.

     "It's crazy."

     "So crazy, it just might work? Come on. I know you believe me."

     "I believe what you said about Sasuke," she answered, and smiled a sad, placid little smile. "I don't know how far that'll get you, but... for my part, I'm glad someone will be looking after him."

     Karin eased back onto the couch and took a quick look at the mingling chakras beyond the wall. Odd -- she couldn't even see the dividing line anymore. They swirled around each other like ripples around rocks in the water, burning the whole way through. "You just keep Blondie alive," she told Sakura. "I don't think I want to see what'll happen if _someone else_ kills him."

     When she turned back, Sakura was smiling at her. Really smiling, with that 'sugar and spice and everything nice' flavor that leant itself so well to Konoha girls. "I think I can work with that," she said.

     But before she could break up the saccharine atmosphere, Karin picked up a trace of something approaching fast. Apparently, she hadn't lied to Sasuke after all. She refocused on the chakra signature more closely to work out the particulars. "Someone's coming. One of yours. I assume you tipped someone off to our position?"

     "I'd imagine Tsunade-shishou sent our teammate, Sai, although I'm surprised she'd send him alone. I wonder if it's Captain Yamato?"

     Karin grinned. "There's another teammate, huh? So tell me. How hot's this Sai dude?"

     "He's all right, I guess. Personality problems, but..." Then the pink-haired girl trailed off and started giggling again despite herself. "On an ice cream sundae, he'd be the nuts." Whether she was right or not, Karin was quite proud to have made a 'nice girl' think about orgies as ice cream sundaes. "But don't tell him that. He'd probably say, 'Why yes, I have nuts. Also a penis.' He's... special."

     Whatever retort Karin could call to mind was cut off by Naruto letting out a loud moan and gasping Sasuke's name.

     "Keep it down, would you?" Sasuke hissed, muffled by the knock from the front door. Sakura rushed over and cracked it open slowly, holding a finger to her lips to let their new visitor know to be quiet. From the next room, Sasuke went on in a barely audible tone. "I'm going to move. Are you ready?"

     "It's fine, just move it--" Naruto said before his voice broke into another gasp.

     The front door clicked shut, and Karin turned to see Mr. "All Right, I Guess" standing just inside the entryway. He was staring at the bedroom, which meant she got a good chance to examine him without him noticing. If that's what passed for "All Right, I Guess" in Konoha, those girls had definitely been spoiled by overexposure to hotness. Could his abs have been any tighter?

     A puzzled look crossed the boy's face. "Is... Sasuke fucking Naruto?"

     "So it would seem," Sakura replied, and her teammate looked more confused than ever.

     "Huh." He dropped a huge, empty sack on the ground -- plenty big enough to stuff a person in. "I always thought Sasuke would be the bitch."

     "Sai!"

     "What? Oh, I guess you didn't see the way he talked to Orochimaru, did you?"

     Karin collapsed back on the couch in a fit of giggles. Sasuke had always talked back to Orochimaru like a bitchy mistress, even if he'd never let the snakey bastard get a hand on him.

     So, so true.

     "I guess he found Naruto's tiny penis unsatisfying to have up his ass," Ab-tastic Boy went on, unfazed. "It might not be long enough to get to any good parts, and he definitely doesn't have enough girth to--"

     "What, are you crazy?" Karin cut him off with a wave of her hand. "I've seen a few cocks, and neither length nor girth was a problem on _that_ boner."

     The newcomer took a long look at her, then turned to Sakura to ask, "Who's the peeping titty?"

     "She's part of the ex-Sound ninja cell Sasuke's putting together. Karin, this is my teammate, Sai. Sai, meet Karin."

     "So, she's a friend?"

     "Ah..." The other kunoichi studied her with an awkward smile. "Close enough, I guess."

     At that _glowing_ recommendation, Ab-tastic Boy and his tight pants walked over with a big smile. "Nice to meet you, Princess," the boy said, holding out his hand. As if he could sense the dubious expression on Sakura's face, he turned back to tell her, "The book I was reading said that, to forge a closer relationship with friends, I should start with calling them by nicknames."

     Karin shook his hand, grinning ear to ear. "Right back at you, Sunshine."

     "So, Naruto has a real penis after all. That's a shock." he said, polite as could be, then put a hand to his mouth and shouted toward the wall, "Grower not a shower, huh, Naruto?!"

     They all heard a loud crash from Sasuke's bedroom, and Karin nearly died laughing as the pink-haired girl jumped Sai to clap a hand over his mouth.

     "What the... Shut the fuck up, Sai!" Blondie yelled, only to have the end of his words swallowed in a muffled moan and another crash.

     Sakura, meanwhile, was hissing a lecture about what was and was not appropriate commentary to yell while their teammates got it on, and Karin was sure of one thing: After all this shit got wrapped up, Sasuke definitely had to get hauled back to Konoha, and she'd be damned if she wasn't going, too.


	6. Out of Hand

     There was nothing safe about it. Not the matburn on his knees, not the scratches on both their backs, and not the curious sensitivity that lingered and hurt. Definitely not Naruto's scent, sinking into his pores while Sasuke clung to his friend as he would to a secret.

     Why was it ending like this? With a gasp and a shudder erasing the world for an instant, with his hand stroking a sweaty thigh as he pulled out. This was the cliff he'd kept trying to edge away from since falling in with his teammates. This was what it looked like from the bottom gazing up. He hadn't even noticed when Naruto had shoved him over his limits and they'd both started falling toward catastrophe. How was he supposed to clean up this mess now?

     _I should have run. After they found me, as soon as I kissed him... as soon as they tried to follow._

     He'd have been waiting in Sound another day, or starting this road on his own -- not wasting time, getting into a sticky mess with a moron he'd be better off leaving behind. They'd both be better off. He needed the strength of distance to ignore how he'd wanted this. It was hell on earth, but he'd wanted this so much -- this whole week, complete with Naruto being an idiot and Sakura being a know-it-all.

     Why the hell didn't Naruto understand that he _couldn't_ go home? That the memories hurt? That they hurt more than ever in the rush and ebb of their bodies' unsubtle language.

     "You bastard."

     Naruto grinned and buried his forehead against Sasuke's shoulder, as if that had been an endearment. His old teammate had an uncanny way of hearing what you meant, not what you said -- and at the most inconvenient times. Right now, the grip of Sasuke's hands left white lines and red afterimages all over his friend's skin, and he stole slow, silent kisses on Naruto's exposed neck without asking his better judgement's leave. Why hold back now? He'd never say, 'I won't let you go,' but Naruto acted like he could hear it anyway.

     He was fucked. Admitting that and screwing Naruto into the floor might have been the best thing he'd done all week. At least his headache was gone.

     "Hey, Sasuke." Naruto butted Sasuke's ear with his forehead and rolled flat on his back. "Remember how you said if two first-rate ninja throw just one punch, they can see what's truly in each others' hearts?"

     He scowled at the question and at the rush of air on his damp chest.

     Of course he remembered. The Valley of the End. How Naruto could think about that and smile, he was sure he'd never know. But he rolled on top of Naruto rather than ask, and rested his arms on the floor by his friend's head. He was warm with Naruto's legs curled around his, which was better than a sweaty chill. "Why bring that up now?"

     "I dunno."

     Wanting Naruto was like a broken bone he knew would hurt to set properly, but if he didn't fix it he'd never walk the same again. Not that it mattered; if he'd known how to stop, he'd have done it years ago. And at the same time, Konoha was a choice he couldn't make. They wanted him to take back his life, but only if he turned his back on Itachi's death -- when he _had to have vengeance_. Not one of them seemed to see that when a wound healed badly like the festering remnants of the Uchiha had done, you needed a clean break to set things right.

     Instead of seeing that, Naruto was kissing him again. Undemanding kisses drove him to push back, fully aware that each touch reminded him of what he was losing. Every inch of his skin and bone knew he couldn't have this, but he couldn't contradict the visceral knowledge that he _did_. Right now. Whatever the hell it was, the bond between him and Naruto...

     He'd break it if he could, but at least for today he couldn't.

     "I guess I figured out what you were trying to say back there," Naruto went on when kisses had faded to a touch, forehead to cheek. "About how I shouldn't be with you if you can't come home. And I was wondering if you knew that I'm here because you'll come back someday no matter how much sex we don't have." For a split second, the serious Naruto his goofball rival had turned into was resting like a smoking ember in his arms. Then his bright smile came back with a chuckle and set all of Sasuke's world back in order. "But... I still vote for 'do', y'know."

     "I don't have to read your mind for that, moron. You've been telling me all week." He'd never heard when it was that Naruto had stopped wanting Sakura, but he'd probably have to ask Kakashi-sensei if he wanted to know. The moron himself hadn't understood the question. "Besides, since when are you a first-rate ninja?" Sasuke pushed up off the floor, bearing with the cold, and walked over to the bathroom. "You can't make up for quality with quantity. I'm taking a shower." He was more glad than ever that some inns put private showers with the larger suites. At present, he didn't relish the thought of being seen.

     "I'm coming, too!" Naruto yelled out, bounding after him. Figured. Sasuke didn't object, already missing his touch across the distance of half a room despite himself.

     He had to close his eyes for a second and pause to steady himself at the doorframe, waiting for their bodies to collide. They'd touched so many times over the years, left so many memories in his skin; they shot like lightning now under Naruto's hands, but his mind felt like it was slowly returning from somewhere far away. Like he was looking at a beautiful picture of someone else's life.

     Then the moments with Orochimaru welled up out of nowhere and made him sick inside. It was a sudden relief that he'd never let Snake-breath have his way. Naruto's touch made his skin hum from a finger's breadth away. Their awkward struggle on the floor had spun into a fragment of memory, like the first time he'd thrown a kunai or blown a fireball over the lake behind his home. If he'd been with Orochimaru, it couldn't have felt like that. His skin would have wanted to crawl right off his bones, and that'd be the memory he was stuck with forever.

     As if he'd let Orochimaru anywhere near Naruto, even as a memory.

     The sleeping snake thrummed in his consciousness, somewhere far away. He wouldn't-- Sasuke couldn't let him--

     Hadn't everything just now been him, been Sasuke? His own ridiculous desires, his own actions. No part of that thing should have touched Naruto...

     Right?

     "Oi, Sasuke. Are you going, or do I have to show you how to use the shower like I had to show you how to--"

     His spine snapped straight and he whipped around, questions forgotten. "Shut the fuck up! I would have figured it out!" How was he supposed to have known blowjobs weren't as intuitive as he'd thought? And why the hell had that moron's teacher had him _editing erotica_ during training? Didn't he know that Naruto couldn't be trusted to spell anything more complicated than 'ramen with extra porkchops'?! Sasuke stalked into the bathroom, ignoring the mirror showing him how red his face had turned.

     _I can't believe I want that numbskull_. Maybe he could rule out Orochimaru ever trying to break out and 'play'. He had the most ridiculously abominable taste in men _in history_ \-- he'd never have to share.

     Except with Sakura, and that was different. She was like their sister.

     Sasuke's mind went numb while he turned on the shower spray and felt the cold water growing warm on his skin, waiting until it was scalding before he turned down the heat.

     Like family.

     Naruto had tried to tell him once, that was what their bond had meant to him, and he'd said it couldn't be. After all, someone who had never had a family couldn't understand what that meant. His own heart shouldn't have felt the same.

     He didn't want a new family. He wanted his mother back, and his father, and the brother he'd loved. If that wasn't possible, he wanted to kill the man who'd taken all of it away from him. _Itachi..._ The name, the face, a thousand memories echoed in his skull, trying to break his mind open, and fighting for space with an image of a stupid blond wearing an idiotic, mile-wide grin...

     "Hey, don't hog all the water!"

     "Would you _shut up_ for two seconds?!" The cacophony inside his head was bad enough. The comparatively peaceful storm of screwing Naruto had blown the noise temporarily away, but all of it was coming back to life now. "I wasn't kidding when I said this was over! You, me, not happening! So get this through your steel-plated, three-inch-thick skull: I am _not_ coming home. _Stop asking_."

     Trying to think felt like a full-body bruise the morning after a rough mission, and pushing Naruto further away was ripping him open in a way he'd tried to forget three years ago. But the tremors of fire in his friend’s blue eyes had never changed. "Stop asking me to stop asking, if _being a stubborn jackass_ is so dumb. I never asked you what I could do in the first place!"

     "Fuck this," Sasuke muttered, and he paced back toward the door. Taking a length of rope from his room, he wound it around Naruto's chest and arms while his former teammate was still blinking in confusion. If there was one thing he knew about Naruto, it was that he rarely knew you were going to attack unless you were already fighting or you warned him. The fact that he won so many fights was a sad statement on the entire ninja world.

     "Hey, what's the big idea? Sa--"

     Before Naruto's mouth could close, he stuffed it full with a washcloth, then threw the end of the rope over the shower head to hoist the blond in the air. Once the loose end was tied to the water knob, he was free to soap up and rinse off in the privacy of his own thoughts.

     Although he didn't much want to be alone with those either.

     "_Hahhge! Hnn nga hgg--!? Hngai ee, uu ah-hag!!_"

     "You're a ninja. Untie yourself." For all of the short while it took him to get clean, Sasuke avoided looking his former teammate, current distraction, and temporary lover in the eye. Instead, he focused on a spot of grout on the wall and thought about as little of anything as he could. He had to get his head back on straight, as soon as possible.

     He had to get every hint of Konoha -- and every hint of Naruto -- out of his life.

     His problem kept jumping up and down like a fish on a line in the corner of his eye, attention directed at getting himself free now that he'd figured out that shouting muffled obscenities wasn't getting him anywhere. "_Eh-hay khahi hahegnay heha-eo!!_"

     "Shut off the water when you're done, moron." As if he was _ever_ going to let Naruto beat him. He had a destiny to meet, and he was never going to be able to handle it if he couldn't hold his own against one singularly stubborn blond, no matter how hot he'd grown up to be.

     Grabbing a towel from the pile, Sasuke walked off to the sounds of an indistinct scream and metal tensing under its bobbing load, and he slammed the door behind him. It was an easy thing, clearing his mind. He'd been doing it for as long as he could remember. He just had to focus everything on what was right in front of him, and remember why he was doing this.

     Towel. Dry skin, dry hair. Find pants. Kill Itachi. Everything else was a distraction.

     As he pulled his pants onto one leg at a time, he caught a glimpse of the mirror, reflecting back the overturned table and the scattered scrolls that'd been victim to his...

     His what?

     Breach of self-control? Fit of insanity?

     No sense mincing words in his own head. The whole room was a disaster because he'd fucked Naruto.

     He'd...

     His eyes closed all on their own, blocking out the images of furniture littered around him, but the memories were all inside his head. He'd never forget how good the taste of his sweat had been, how warm the touch of his skin--

     Naruto had somehow managed to smell like a ramen shop, even though they'd been way back out of nowhere for so long. It was too real to have imagined, not like dreams that woke him up with messy sheets in a dark, lonely room underground. Dreams vanished too fast into the shadows and out of mind, and it had been easy to shut them away. But not the touch of Naruto's skin, the breath on his ear, the way they dove into each other without holding back -- the sensations that echoed in his nerves, ghosts of feelings that he didn't know how _to fucking turn off_. Naruto hadn't been faking a second of that. He'd never really believed Naruto was capable of lying well enough to pull off this past week, but telling himself that it had been an act to get him home was easier than believing.

     He'd given up being happy too long ago for that chance to exist. Happy was for people who hadn't lived his nightmares. Happy was for the innocent and the ignorant, not for him. That dream was bullshit. Naruto wasn't the only thing he couldn't forget. He'd have to wipe out the image of his parents, dead on the ground, and he couldn't. Even if he could, he wouldn't.

     But--

     He couldn't even claim that he'd lost himself in the heat of an unfortunate moment, then come to his senses when he cooled his head. He'd found himself there -- the self he'd left behind. The self he thought he’d burned away.

     Warm drops fell on his hand, and his senses reawakened, letting a bit of reality in. His hands were aching, tense... gripped in his towel hard enough to hurt, and shaking. And the drops kept falling, far too warm to be confused with the occasional drip from shower-damp hair.

     They couldn't be tears. He wasn't crying -- his body was still. There was no sobbing, nothing to break the oppressive quiet of the room except the sound of his breath. How could they be tears? Then he heard his breath more clearly, harsher and faster than he'd realized, burning his lungs... He felt dizzy...

     He was hyperventilating?

     Sasuke tightened his gut and forced himself to exhale slowly, to a count of five, and breathe in just as slow, over and over. Raising his hands to his eyes, he felt the running streams that wouldn't stop no matter how calm he tried to make himself. He had to lock down his whole body before he lost it. No more tears. The damp towel cooled his face. His slowed breaths bounced against the cloth and pushed back towards him. If he'd broken away from Naruto and Sakura once, he could do it again.

     But right now, he had to get out of this fucking room.

     Without taking another look at the floor, he stalked toward the sliding door and threw it open with a smack against the frame. He would have liked to have thrown it hard enough to rip the wall in half, but unlike certain people, he had self-control. From now on, he'd find a way to exercise it.

     "Long time, no see, Crabcake. Was it good for you, too?"

     Before he had consciously recognized the voice's owner, Sasuke found himself quickstepping down the hallway with a fist ready to land on the bastard's jaw. It took another second to realize that the reason he'd stopped mid-blow was Sakura, who'd body-blocked him about a foot shy of impact.

     "_Excuse me?!_" he growled. Good thing Sakura was holding him back, too. That slit-eyed, pale-faced bastard long since had it coming. He knew that face.

     "Sasuke-kun, please trust me. Killing him won't help anything."

     "If he just said what I think he said--"

     A hollow smile showed up on the freak's face. "Well, we could all hear that Naruto was enjoying himself--"

     "You know, every time I see you, I want to bash your skull in."

     "I get that a lot," he answered, never dropping that grin.

     "Just... stop, Sai," Sakura interrupted. "Quit while you're ahead."

     'Sai'. That was right. He'd been an insufferable annoyance when Orochimaru had first introduced him, too -- said he'd worked for someone named Danzou, and had been selling out Konoha. Where the fuck had he come from, anyway? He'd have remembered if there'd been an asshole like that in the Academy. Then the bastard'd said he was there to kill _him_, but instead decided to sell out Danzou...

     ... for his new teammates. And the 'bonds' he was so interested in seeing at work.

     Sai. The new third man in the three-man cell. And who could say when he'd sell out Team Kakashi? Of course, he'd been assigned to the traitor's position. Let him. They'd find someone else -- again.

     That bastard wasn't worth his time, anyway. "I suppose it's appropriate that the Hokage sent my replacement to remind you that you've all got somewhere to be," he told Sakura when he calmed down enough to lower his fist.

     "Sasuke-kun..." At least Sakura didn't try to claim he was wrong, not that she'd be able to. The black-haired bastard was standing right there, fetching them for Konoha.

     He faced her down with deliberate silence while she tried to think of something to say. He'd meant to remind Sakura of everything she already knew -- how screwed up this little party was, and how nonexistent the chances were that he'd ever have a place back in Konoha -- and when he saw her wince, he knew he'd done it. Why Karin looked troubled was more confusing, but there she was, crossing her arms and biting her lip. Suigetsu was the only one in the room doing anything predictable. He'd poked his head out of his door to look at the commotion and was examining the newcomer with very appropriate suspicion.

     Just remembering that his replacement existed made it easier to tell all his old friends to fuck off. They could say what they wanted about how they'd been like a family, how much they cared, how they'd go to any length to bring him 'home'. It was all a pretty lie. His position had been filled.

     "He's got the interpersonal skills of rotten mayonnaise, hasn't he?" The jackass met Sasuke's glare without flinching, even though Sasuke could feel his fist clenching involuntarily and his lip curling up from his teeth in a snarl. Most people found that sufficiently frightening. "You know, I can recommend several books--"

     Sakura smacked him across the head with her bag. "Did none of those books teach you how to read the atmosphere?!"

     "I thought it was obvious that I wouldn't 'replace' him even if you'd let me." The stranger turned a perfectly serious stare at him -- no crazy, fake smiles this time -- and this time, Sasuke was the one who felt like wincing. "They won't, by the way. But if you can't see that, explaining won't help."

     He kept his eyes locked on the bastard and tried to puzzle him out. It was darkly fascinating, staring down someone he couldn't see as anything but a traitorous, unsavory, and slippery piece of shit -- wondering how to get him away from people he had a vague desire to know were safe somewhere, not sure if he even had the right to care -- and knowing that the other man thought exactly the same of him. _Sai_ wouldn't be wrong to think it, either. Not objectively. That didn't mean the fucker had any right to _talk_ to him.

     Then their moment of mutual contempt shattered to pieces, thanks to the cutting whine of metal twisting and pulling, followed by an even louder clatter on ceramic tile. Sasuke turned around just in time to hear a torrent of water smash against the hallway's bathroom door and see the small but violent flood dashing out from underneath.

     "It's all good! I'll fix it!" Naruto yelled. Apparently, he'd been able to remove the gag after he'd _broken the shower head_ to get out of his bindings.

     "Three years, and you didn't learn how to untie a damn _rope_?!"

     "The rope was wet, you asshole! What did you expect?!"

     "Maybe for you to not suck for once!"

     Once the percussive strikes of water on the door died and the flooding slowed to a trickle, the quiet sounds of stifled laughter appeared.

     Karin and Sakura. Giggling. Together.

     Something was wrong here.

     "Ah, Sasuke..." Karin managed, swallowing her laughter for the moment. "Is there something you need to tell us?"

     "What? That I tied Naruto to the shower head? Any idiot could..." He trailed off as the girls shot each other big, eyebrow-arching looks over knowing smiles that he wished he couldn't decipher. "_Not like that!_ What the hell's gotten into you two?"

     "What's gotten into _them_?" Suigetsu asked, the only one not laughing out of the whole room. "You're the one who tied your gay boyfriend to a running bathroom fixture that didn't have the tensile strength to hold him there."

     Sakura bopped Sasuke on the forehead, still cracking up. "Idiot! What were you _thinking_?"

     "Or was he even thinking at all?" Karin answered before he could get a word in, then the two of them started laughing even harder, collapsing on each other's shoulders. Karin was even helping Sakura shrug her knapsack back on after it had come off in the giggle fit. He'd spent most of his life watching girls fight over him, and he'd learned to tell the difference between hostility and camaraderie, as indistinct as kunoichi sometimes made them.

     He didn't like it. That was scary as hell.

     "That's enough," Sasuke muttered, then whipped back towards the bathroom and yelled, "Don't bother fixing anything, Naruto! Just get your pants on and go!" Naruto probably couldn't even do it right _anyway_. He'd fix the wall himself.

     "Okay, okay!" A few doorslams later, his old teammate ran out of the bedroom, zipping his pants while he ducked into the meeting room across the hall. His footsteps splashed on the soaked floor, and Sasuke shut down the echoes in his head showing him their fight three years ago. A vision of a younger Naruto fighting him on a waterfall -- of a shirt ripped to shreds by a chidori and screams echoing on the rocks -- only haunted Sasuke for a moment. Naruto was his regular, fully-dressed, idiotic self again when he came out.

     Dropping that damned forehead protector back into his pouch.

     Somehow, in the sounds of fading laughter, nothing felt as serious as it should have been. Everyone who was heading back to Konoha without him gathered up their packs, but it didn't feel like goodbye would have to. No sickening twinge in his gut when he saw Naruto keeping that thing, nor the pained shivers in his skin reminding him how hard their bond would be for him to break. Even though it was right in front of him, everything felt like a faint, unreal world playing on a screen. His feet wouldn't move. He couldn't summon his voice.

     Naruto ran around the suite to pick things up and called out to the others. Punched his third teammate lightly in the stomach for speaking out of turn. Next to the rush of his own blood in his ears, sound faded from the scene in front of Sasuke's eyes.

     The first thing he felt was Naruto's lips, kissing him goodbye, then the grip of Naruto's hands on his towel. He didn't try to stop himself from wrapping his arms around Naruto's waist and taking every second he could from that kiss. If this really was the last time, the way he had every intention of it being, then that moment was all his.

     "Love you," Naruto whispered next to his ear, probably not quiet enough to escape the ears of everyone else in the room but Sasuke was willing to pretend they couldn't hear it. His friend's arm and hand slipped through his fingers while Naruto ran for the door and this two waiting teammates, yelling, "See you later!"

     "... Yeah."

     For that second, right up until the door closed behind them, he didn't have the voice to argue. Then he saw Karin and Suigetsu, watching him with matching evil grins.

     "_What?_" He fixed them each with a death glare in turn, which still wasn't cowing people like it should have done. "If anybody's got a problem, take it up with _him_. This isn't my fault."

 

~//~

 

     It was the breath on his face that woke Hidan up. He'd gotten used to the weight, but the huff-huff-wheeze that came quick and ticklish from a tiny little pink nose was always too much. The press of fur and a pudgy belly was annoying enough once he'd woken, though. The little fucker was using his ear as a bed, and the only thing he could hear through the warm, flopsy weight on his skull was the manic rhythm of the bunny's heart.

     Fucking bunnies.

     If it weren't for the fact that the little buggers weren't even _real_, he'd fucking kill them all.

     As it was, he'd learned it was better to ignore them. Nothing was more frustrating than pinning one of those damned beasts down and getting set to put it out of his misery, then watching it miraculously wriggle out of his grip and get away free. Nothing could hold them. They were always just beyond his reach, except when they were sleeping on his fucking head.

     And, unless he missed his guess, that was another one taking a stroll up the side of his chest. Battle-hardened muscles of steel all over his body, and he still felt punched in the gut every time one of the critters bounced on him. It was one hell of a way to wake up. Or live.

     Haunted by god-damned illusory bunnies.

     No way did anyone writing his gospel for the memory of Zashin ever get wind of this. They'd be dead before their pen hit the paper, and he'd make sure their afterlife didn't put them somewhere that they could talk to the god direct. History was never going to learn that the fucking Uchiha was torturing him slowly into insanity with _hordes of bunnies_.

     Hidan had never had much to think about the guy before, but now he knew one thing for sure: Uchiha Itachi was an asshole. The fucking patron saint of assholes. How the hell had he found out that bunnies were his--

     Well, 'mortal enemy' was a little dramatic. But Hidan didn't like them. He'd never liked them -- now less than ever. Anyone who ever tried to tell him again that bunnies would grow on him if he just gave them a chance was going to suffer horribly before they died. No warnings, and no second chances. Maybe they should see how they liked it, being surrounded day and night. He couldn't even escape them in his dreams, because _Itachi was that much of an asshole_.

     He sat up, and the bunnies on his head and chest hopped a few feet away. The one sitting by his feet, staring at him endlessly with those freaky red eyes set in fur whiter than hot ash, didn't move a muscle. Another one hopped over from where Kakuzu was checking his scrolls as soon as he stirred and nudged his arm with its twitchy little nose. None behind him. With a heavy sigh, Hidan looked up at the ceiling. Sure enough, there was one defying gravity, hopping between stalactites without a care in the world.

     "There are five of them today. These fuckers are breeding or something."

     "I told you, apologize to Uchiha. Everything you've tried to do has made it worse."

     "And why the fuck should I apologize? Huh? I only said what everyone was thinking."

     "We kept our mouths shut because we all remember what happened to Sasori, and that was an _accident_."

     Like anyone could forget the two days the puppet master had spent wandering in a fog, pulling on strings that didn't exist and not saying a word to anybody until he'd uttered the last words he'd ever said to Itachi: 'I think we understand each other,' he'd said. 'Make it stop.' His wooden face had never changed, but his voice had sure sounded like he'd been through thirteen kinds of perdition. If Sasori'd gotten any more pen pal letters from Orochimaru after that, he sure as hell had never read them out loud.

     Members of Akatsuki who'd just kill you if you pissed them off were leagues better than the ones who thought they were above that -- and who had a sense of humor. Hidan didn't begrudge Kisame his partner one bit.

     "No one's opinion was asked on the subject of what Uchiha Sasuke ever let into his pants," Kakuzu sighed, "and it's not worth it to cross Itachi. Just say you're sorry. It doesn't matter if you're not."

     Not likely. A stupid illusion couldn't beat him for eternity. That was the gift of Jashin, and Jashin certainly wouldn't be understanding of him kowtowing to some upstart Konoha bitch just to get rid of a few phantom bunnies. Even if they were freaky as hell.

     "Apologizing and lying are both against my religion," Hidan answered while he pulled on his cloak. "That red-eyed rat bastard had better not hold his breath waiting."

     Kakuzu straightened his hat with a sigh. "You could try telling him that, I suppose, if upsetting him is a matter of principle. Maybe he'll get mad enough to try to kill you. I'm sure that will help."

     "Just shut your trap! It's my problem, I'll handle it my way. If that fucker thinks I'm going to _apologize_ for sayin' things like they are, then I'll apologize to him _in hell_!"

     He could hear Kakuzu rolling his eyes from the way he groaned, even though his partner in crime was walking out of the cave. "It's not the truth of it that matters. Imagine how you'd feel if someone called your little sister a whore to your face, Hidan."

     "My little sister worked in a damned whorehouse!"

     The old ninja squinted backwards, with an expression Hidan knew well enough. Kakuzu was deciding whether he had the time to spare trying to kill him permanently. He must have decided they were in a hurry, since he turned back to the path a moment later. "It's an honest profession," he answered. "And if you're going to handle your little rabbit problem, handle it. One more complaint, and next time I sew your head back on, I'll sew your mouth shut, too."

     "I'll handle your mom," Hidan muttered. Then, as he took a step towards the exit, he felt something warm and fluffy settle on his foot. The bunny looked up at him with eyes like spots of blood in the snow and weighed down on his toes like a lop-eared piled of bricks. His step went sprawling, and he barely found purchase before he fell. To make everything worse, all four hoppers on the ground gathered up in front of him to stare. And stare, and stare some more.

     Itachi would be getting his punk ass killed as soon as Hidan could be sure that killing him would end this fucking genjutsu. Just his luck, the Uchiha would probably be one of those whose spells got stronger when he died. He definitely had the annoying, grudge-holding personality for it.

     Hidan righted himself and took another step toward the cave entrance, where his partner was waiting with a none too patient scowl for the way he was 'handling the situation'. Maybe Kakuzu'd have more sympathy if he had to live with this shit, too, but any thoughts he might have had on how to share his misery with his teammate vanished when the rabbit on the ceiling dropped down to his shoulder and started breathing in his ear.

     "Fucking hell! Would you cut that out? It tickles!" he yelled, and shrugged off the bunny, who hopped from his shoulder to join the others at his feet. "I swear, that bitch Itachi is going to get a cut for every time you fuckers hop, and he'll say he's sorry to _me_ once for every whisker on your goddamn twitchy noses! Just you wait!"

     Kakuzu sighed with that killing look still in his eyes as he waited by the road. "Get a move on, would you? We've got a cat to catch."

     Steeling himself to step on a bit of the floor that wasn't covered in hopping fluff, all Hidan could think was that the fucking Two-Tails was lucky she wasn't a _fucking bunny_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit for inspiration where it's due. Here's to [Disclave '97](http://www.weingart.net/myfilks.html#idiotdisclave97), which suffered a much more epic fate than Naruto did.


End file.
